Thursday, September 29, 2011

Live On Tape...Cutlery Cornered

"Now jee-um, is this knaaf new or a warehouse fand?" Sheila (man-hands) Travis

"Ah, um, no Sheila, yes this is brand new they just came in. That's why we haven't seen them in a whaal." Big Gay Jim Frost

Todd Boone had the night off and it just wasn't the same without Mr. Malaprop. But Man-Hands and Big Gay Jeeum strove mightily to abuse, misuse, confuse, and otherwise mangle the English language, as well as common sense itself.

Couple weeks back, I sent Big Jeeum a scathing email, indicting him for the grifter he is, and each and every time I do he turns up on Cutlery Corner reading fan mail to soothe his shattered ego. Tonight was no exception; he went on, and on, then on some more, about how marvelous his pot-metal slave labor knives are, and how patriotic he is for giving people the chance to resell his butter knives, masquerading as modern steel, at flea markets.

No one needs a defense for selling inexpensive products. But it is indefensible to play make-believe that the garbage has any value at all, and steal other peoples' trademarks, patents, and copyrights because he hasn't the wits or talent to make it on his own.

Product description on the top left hand corner of the screen: Swap Fox Bowie

Monday, September 26, 2011

Why We Watch Cutlery Corner

"Now you better hurry on this item as we're down to single digits because there's only 250 left. But that's inreletive because price doesn't mean that much because you're getting such a good deal..."

Todd Boone

Product description on the top lefthand corner of the screen: CASE STOCKMAN WITH THE QUARTS HANDLE

"There has never been a peanut design made by this manufacturer. In decades."

Saturday, September 24, 2011

If You Happen To Come Upon Pieces Of The Fallen Research Satellite...

...Be Careful Not To Get A Boo-Boo...And While You're At It Don't Run With Those Scissors!!

 Earthlings can take comfort in the fact that no one has ever been hurt by falling space junk — to anyone's knowledge — and there has been no serious property damage. NASA put the chances that somebody somewhere on Earth would get hurt at 1-in-3,200. But any one person's odds of being struck were estimated at 1-in-22 trillion, given there are 7 billion people on the planet.

"Keep in mind that we have bits of debris re-entering the atmosphere every single day," Matney said in brief remarks broadcast on NASA TV.

In any case, finders definitely aren't keepers.

Any surviving wreckage belongs to NASA, and it is against the law to keep or sell even the smallest piece. There are no toxic chemicals on board, but sharp edges could be dangerous, so the space agency is warning the public to keep hands off and call police."

Why can't they simply say that they'd like to examine each and every piece for heaven knows what...rather than cranking out so ridiculous a warning.

And ok, they don't want unidentifiable parts of thing on eBay because that would cause tons of lawsuits due to people getting scammed, but when did we STOP being adults simply because the suckers born every minute have elevated their rates of procreation to every second.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Time Once Again To Give In Order To Receive

Continuing our clothing-for-the needy campaign, we here at Messenger present another helpless waif whose distress is more than evident for all to see. 

Please help. Give what you can. Trust me, the blessings outweigh the loss of a few measly bucks. Winter is just around the corner....and frostbite is inevitable.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Food Stamps For Those With "Special" Needs

Since (Food Stamps) is a program fully subsidized by the U.S. federal government, more companies including retailers and restaurants want to be involved and reap the benefits as well.

The latest chain of restaurants lobbying for their share is Louisville-based Yum! Brands. Its restaurants include Taco Bell, KFC, Long John Silver’s and Pizza Hut.

“It makes perfect sense to expand a program that’s working well in California, Arizona and Michigan, enabling the homeless, elderly and disabled to purchase prepared meals with SNAP benefits in a restaurant environment,” 

Click here to read the whole magilla. Then step away from the computer and dry heave because the elephant in the room wants, and in some states is already getting, its chicken and more.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

The Rape Of Amy

While preparing to go through airport security on March 31, Amy Alkon got teary when she noticed that everyone in the line she was in was receiving an “enhanced pat-down” by Transportation Security Administration gropers.
Her mind racing at the prospect, she said she decided “these TSA lackeys who serve the government in violating our rights just don’t deserve my quiet compliance.” She was determined she wouldn’t go through the scanner and allow a government employee to see her naked, all for the privilege of flying from Los Angeles to New York. And then there’s the issue in her mind about whether the scanners are even safe..."

Read more here about the rape of Amy Alkon.

By the by, the reason they place such a fit about raping us all is Obama's fear the next hijacked plane that aims at the White House doesn't miss.

Pardon The Interruption...

Those who've been regular followers of this blog know of my longwindedness and perhaps some of you are wondering why the paucity of posts as of late.

That's simple. I'm getting old, have been fighting one thing after another, and one of those things is the difficulty to type, as my hands are too a'tremble  from a combination of meds and the condition that has precipitated their use.

To quote an infamous cyborg turned governor, "I'll be back."

September 11th 2011

For me, time has not healed old wounds. The savages who committed the attack on America died inside the planes they commandeered, but their leaders and brethren and cult lingers on.

On this 10th year of remembrance we can best honor our war dead by reaffirming the call to get every last one of the beasts responsible then hanging them from the highest scaffold we can find.

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

President Zero Strikes Again

It hasn’t happened in the lifetimes of anyone who isn’t eligible for social security.

Zero net jobs were created in the month of August for the first time since 1945.  It is almost mind boggling to think about what may turn out to be this President’s singular accomplishment — ending a 792 month job creation winning streak for the American economy.

Historians will be looking to determine just how the Obama Administration reached this milestone?
What were Obama’s secrets?

Just how did he spend almost a trillion dollars in ‘stimulus’ funding and get to a very round number?
The search for answers takes us around the country and indeed around the globe.

In Seattle, Washington, the federal government spent $20 million dollars on a federal grant to weatherize homes as part of their greening of America plan.  How many jobs were created for $20 million?  Fourteen total, eight of which are specifically tasked with administratively handling the grant.

The green economic boom continues in California where the Obama Administration provided Solyndra Corporation, a $550 million loan guarantee to make solar panels.  The President himself thought so highly of this company and its future that he visited this Bay Area factory last year.  So, it shouldn’t be surprising that the business visited by the man with the reverse Midas touch just announced that 1,100 workers will be laid off immediately and it is expected to file for bankruptcy."

Black finger...he's the man...the man without the Midas Touch...a community organizers touch...." Song to the tune of "Goldfinger".

Trillion bucks spent and the idiot hasn't one single job to show for it. Priceless.

Monday, September 05, 2011

Football Season Begins Anew...

And while awaiting the daring exploits of our gridiron heroes, let us not forget those less fortunate who must get by with not even a decent teeshirt. So be sure to support your local charity drives whenever possible, because if you've the resources to spare on mere games, you can certainly give kids like this one something better to wear.