Saturday, June 17, 2006

Ahmadinejad Says Proposal By the West Is 'Step Forward'

SHANGHAI, June 16 -- Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said Friday that an international proposal designed to restart negotiations on Iran's nuclear program constitutes "a step forward" and that his government will respond "in due time."
Okay, so listen up because here's a primer on islam and what makes all of them tics. Pardon, tick.

Flashback: Allah had enough of the Jews and this new Christian deal, so he finally came out and said that the whole planet was created just so that Mohammed and his family would have something to stand on. And of Mo's scazillion kids, Allah really digged Fatimah the best and bequeathed the earth to her descendants. Lock, stock, and barrel. No questions asked, no deposit, no return.They were to rule the world until the end of time, and any peoples living anywhere derived their right to gather and build cities and govern only if one of the descendants of Fats was in charge or gave the okay.

Well, this didn't last all that long, because around the time that England was heavy into making the British Isles into a place for Kings and Queens after Arthur chased away all of the bad Vikings, let's say 950 AD or thereabouts, the last descendant of Fats kind of disappeared. Zappo, zilch, Katie didn't bar the door because all of a sudden there wasn't anyone to rule the world. The Brits had redescovered how the Romans made real steel and built roads and bathed, modern sort of stuff, and for that matter all of Europe was acting like it was time to stop painting one another blue and have howl at the moon contests.

This was disconcerting to Allah's followers because the Euro's didn't ask if they could build those cities and cool towns and relearn what concrete and soap was all about, and the worst part was the fact that the person they were supposed to ask permission from was missing.

No Fats, no deed to the world, so the moslems began wondering what to do about all of this but in the meantime they had to fight the Christians and Jews and that took a lot of time and effort so it was understandable that the search for Fats-Folks kind of took a back seat to beheading infidels.

One faction sprang up that said, look, let's wait (hence the title "Patient Waiters") because Allah must have had a reason for allowing all of this to happen, and if we be good little moslems he'll reward us by making things right.

Another faction (called the Hasterners) said, are you frickin' serious or what? A Hero-Dude (Referred to as the Hidden-Imam) from Fats-Folks will come and deliver us from all of this soap and cement stuff only if we prove how worthy we are. And to prove such worthiness we've got to crank up the beheadings and wars and put ourselves into such a bind that he MUST stop by to set things a'right.

Fast-forward 1000 years. Not that much has changed. The moslems take breathers in between trying to take back the land that Allah made just for Mo and Fats, and the two factions are still debating which is the best way to go about it all.

Iranian President Ahmadinejad is a let's-kill-em-all and Allah will send our hero. A lot of the Ayatoldyaso's clergymen types are the wait-for-the-dude before we get our asses into a fix we can't get out of. Ahmadinejad wants to keep pushing the US and the Euro's until they declare war against Iran, and if he backs down that means his side was wrong and Allah isn't sending Ulysses, strike that, Fats-Fella, to fight the big battle and kick infidel ass.

So it's a struggle between the two factions, a thousand year-old struggle for who knows Allah best, and a lot of people from BOTH factions are wondering what's taking so long because they DID steal land from Europe and fight all of those battles until the modern era came along and they had forgotten to work on technology, then the Euro's and even the JEWS had all of this neat war stuff that they couldn't fight against, so where IS this Hidden-Imam anyway? Haven't we suffered enough?

"NO!" says the Ahmadinejads, we haven't done squat so we need a nuke to waste Israel with. Then the concrete and soap era will come to an end because Allah will send us the dude with the deed.

His latest utterance of, "We'll respond in due time" means that if the West does want to negotiate it's back to waiting like the other side wants, and the only way to really win this war against Christianity and the Jews is so strike and strike again, so that puts him in a pickle because his folowers will say then what the hell do we need YOU for if you're just going to sit around while heaven runs out of virgins.

Can't be easy being a barbarian facing the modern world, and even the Euro's, so we should all give them a break until they sort things out. We're not the cave-dwellers for heavens sake, so let them take some time to respond to the latest proposal from humanity.

Then kill 'em all. This we're-moslems-and-we-own-the-world bullshit has gone on long enough. The "peaceful" ones believe in the same deal as their hurry-it-all-up brothers in arms, so it's not as if we have anyone to negotiate with. If President Imofbadhygiene gets the peace-lovers to thinking that his way might be the better way, then sorry to all of you out there who have met a moslem or two and they didn't try to kill ya. Take it as a sign of being damned lucky and don't push that luck.

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