Sunday, February 03, 2008

The Campaigns In A Nutshell:

No Surprises

The smart money said that Fred Thompson started too late and wasn't the type to generate the kind of blindmellonchitlin adoration necessary to win much of anything. This was correct. Fred would have looked awfully uncomfortable standing amidst a gaggle of screaming hysterical women jostling pencilneck geeks out of the way so as to touch a hem of his gear whilst delivering a victory speech, and the screaming, hysterical women knew this and said NOPE. The smart money said that the nutcase fringe candidates would attract vociferous worshipers but the electorate as a whole wasn't going to place the country in the hands of, well, a nutcase fringe candidate. This was correct. The smart money hoped that once people got to know more about Hillary Clinton she'd be exposed as the no-nothing, never-did-nothing, harridan she truly is. This was correct.

After seeing the groupie-like adoration given Barack Obama at the democrat convention in '04, it was not a surprise when he took the loving and ran with it. The shock came when the incredibly obtuse Clinton machine introduced race into the equation, and that frightened their once rock-solid constituency into edging towards someone sans any credentials to speak of. Then again, the only credential a democrat candidate needs is the reputation of being able to convince his or her audience that the free money will start pouring in once the military/big-business conglomerate is dismantled. As of this date Hillary Clinton continues to lead in Super Tuesday delegate count polling, but funnier things have happened on the way to the forum.

Surprises

Rudolph Giuliani was hampered as all law and order types are. There'd be no acceptance of shady or even possibly shady campaign contributions, so instead of spreading the word from state to state he focused upon Florida. By then people were in full frontal lust with the candidates they'd seen and heard every day in every way, so goodbye Rudolph. Besides, bald men traditionally don't go very far in politics unless their name happens to be Eisenhower and last we looked there was nary an Ike to be found. Besides Part II, Rudolph isn't a Conservative Republican, and lacked the acting ability to portray one in the fashion that, oh, say, John McCain has done. John is also balding, but old former POW fighter jocks get a little more leeway in the looks department.

The Republican fandango began with 3 legitimate candidates; Romney, McCain, and Giuliani. Closing in on Super Tuesday 2 of them remain. The smart money was incorrect in assuming that Romney and Giuliani would be those 2. Big whoop.

The democrat debacle began with 2 legitimate candidates and goes into Super Tuesday with 2 legitimate candidates. At this point in time Hillary Clinton was predicted to be ahead and she is.

Since this is all quite boring, the Yellowstream Media would have you believe that 2008 has been a year of ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE ups and downs, twists and turns, with the candidates amazing us at every juncture with such wonder of wonders that have dazzled the capitols of Europe and confounded the Orient as well. They sold us the candidates they wanted to sell, and now must make an ugly old woman versus a cranky old man seem somehow sexy.

And ya know what?

They will.

There is absolutely, positively, without a shadow of a doubtly, NO reason on heaven or earth that either of these people should be running for anything of value but they are because the Jurassic Press told us to vote for them and we did and will continue to do so.

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