Monday, February 11, 2008

Top 10 Reasons Hillary Will Defeat Obama

1.) Obama is the most liberal politician in America. America is simply not liberal enough to vote for him, especially since the Republican nominee would be asking REAL questions concerning his non-existent policies and plans for change.

2.) Hillary Rob'Em Clinton has worked long and hard to appear somewhat centrist. This means independent and fence-sitting votes. Obo cannot get such support, and even the hispanics are leery of this guy and he wants to give 'em all drivers licenses even if they don't know how to drive, never owned a car, and don't wanna.

3.) His being half-black will not matter near as much as his being all-dumbass. Want to know WHY he has not fleshed out any of his miraculous cures for what ails America? He ain't got any. He is running on race and race alone and while that certainly is attractive to guilt ridden liberals, it won't work with real human beings.

4.) Men will rise up en masse if he calls on Oprah just one more time to make stupid infomercials touting his...his...what the hell IS she touting anyway and God help us do we really wanna know?

5.) The Clinton's know all of the above and before push comes to shove will stop calling him a stupid negro and get down to brass tacks by pointing out the space-for-rent room in what passes for his brain. They'll hit him as if he were a Republican with the same lack of ideas. Hillary and Bill brainstorm and decide to go after him as a retard rather than a black man, and continue to play the crying game and making believe that Hillary is loaning money to her campaign so as to garner the sympathy cash.

6.) Bill Clinton will ask America's forgiveness for being too harsh on Obo, and in a taped address will cry his heart out in asking women to vote for his poor wife who has been through enough, hasn't she?

7.) Even RINO talkshow hosts such as Laura Ingraham will come to the startling conclusion that just because Obo sounds like a TV announcer he really doesn't have much smarts (Think Ted Baxter). This will cool off some of that jungle fever going on, and without the likes of her pimping for him at every turn the fence sitters will become even more confused and less capable of making a decision on their own, allowing Rob'Em to lure them back in with another tear or two. Or Three.

8.) Hillary thinks she can win in a battle between an ugly old white guy and an ugly old white gal by raking in the sympathy votes for not looking distinguished while aging. Women despise the "Starter-Wife Syndrome" and as soon as she brings it to their attention they come out to vote AGAINST the distinguished factor as opposed to FOR anything she has to lie to them about. "Yes, she HAS fat ankles." the new ads will say, "But he's bald and short and dumpy and nobody is saying shit about that!"

9.) Look now...Obama's wife is pretty and his two little girls are darling, and what does Hillary have? Yeah. Bill and Chelsea. Women, liberals (same thing?), and middle of the roaders will soon begin to feel that enough is enough, that Barack has too much going for him and it's time for Hillary to get some sunshine of her own.

10.) Men will rise up en masse if he calls on Oprah just one more time to make stupid infomercials touting his...his...what the hell IS she touting anyway and God help us do we really wanna know??

No comments: