Rotgut For The Rotgut Lovers

Tequila is, always has been, and always will be, rotgut. A longstanding indicator of one's manliness, Tequila is downed with a grimace, and if imbibed in quantity, returns with a vengence from whence it came. More people have become ill from swallowing this vile paint remover disguised as beverage than from any other alchoholic drink save for beer at Frat houses.

But hold your bile, for it's popularity is increasing as more and more women seem intent upon going swig for swig with the guys...let's face it, in the business world what's a gal to do when the boys are proving how able they can be. Dwindling Marquerita sales are more than replaced by "connoissseur" Tequila's, with about the same degree of savvy as the dolt with a small-engined sub-compact who fills his car with high-test in the belief that it will make a difference.

This is not to confuse this undrinkable bilgewater with Mezcal. Con Gusano. With worm. The same caterpiller that is featured in many Mexican "restaurants" as a delicacy. Anejo Dos Gusanos can and will generate hallucinations comparable to a mild dose of LSD, and is great for cleaning clogged fuel injectors.

Suckers. Born. Every minute. Read 'em and puke:

Best Bottles

F. Paul Pacult recommends reading liquor reviews - try www.spiritjournal.com - or asking stores for help. And "just because something is expensive doesn't automatically mean that it's good." Here are a few easily found and good-value picks. Unless noted, bottles are 750 milliliters.

Jose Cuervo Reserva de la Familia anejo: "I'm smiling just thinking about it now," says Judson Sherman-Rose. $119, Union Square Wines and Spirits, (212) 675-8100.

Herradura reposado: A good reposado to get you started. $39.99, Astor Wines and Spirits, (212) 674-7500.

Sauza Hornitos reposado: great price for a great all-purpose tequila, says Eben Klemm. $29.99 (for a liter), Astor Wines and Sprits.

Corzo blanco: It'll "give Patron a run for its money," says Sherman-Rose. $63 at Garnet Wines and Liquors, (212) 772-3211.

El Jimador blanco: A mixto (a tequila that's less than 100% agave). Great for mixing, $19.99 at Union Square Wines .