Global Cooling And The Obvious Answer

Yesterdays high temp was 14 degrees below normal. The low was 17 degrees below normal. Thats an average of...hold on a sec...

15.5 degrees COLDER.

In Fahrenheit, so we're talking real numbers here and not some euro/one-world-wetdream phony temp scale designed to make Americans buy cheap Chinese calculators just to know what sweater to wear.

Since its obvious we are experiencing a severe cooling trend, it is time to give serious consideration to moving further south. All of us. If they agree, we can swap Texas for Mexico. Hell, who cares if they agree. Moving Mexico lock, stock, and barrel to where most of their citizens want to be anyway, is certainly going to cost the beaner government some big bucks but certainly no more than we've spent over the last few decades in capturing their criminals and living with all the chaos. At the end of the day who really cares what the Mexican government thinks, but I'm trying to be nice here. And sure, at first it'll be a tight squeeze, what with getting all 250 million of us safely ensconced, but after taking a breather we can move even further south once ready because this global cooling thing isn't going away and a return to the pioneer spirit will do us all a world of good.

Only 250 million, you're asking?

NY and California aren't invited. Its going to be a big enough hassle as it is without bringing all that dead weight along. Once the cooling trend begins to reverse itself we can check back with them to see how its going, hey, the place will technically still belong to us, and for that matter North Dakota too since we know damned well they don't care for squat about sub-arctic living conditions and won't move to anyplace where humans can actually go outside.

Remember; this is Florida going into a deep freeze, people. If it can happen here then your digs are going ice-age sooner or later too. If Algore can suggest we spend trillions just to keep his fat ass knee deep in the sucker-bucks, then real Americans can actually do something to save the nation. I'll start the ball rolling and put my money where my mouth is by printing out some fliers so as to give the beaners a heads-up. Not that they own shit that'll need more than a wheelbarrow or two to relocate but extending the courtesy isn't really out of line. Not by much anyway. San Cristoballs looks halfway decent and will do for a time so if you wanna hang I'll be ending up there. And please now, no BS from Texas because once we move into South America there's lots of space to rename a decent chunk of it. From what I hear one can't plant a tomato seed without oil gushing to beat the band, so everyone will feel right at home, and the South Americans can have Australia if its going to be all that big a deal. Penny nickel dime details can be worked out on the fly. Shit. That means more fliers.

Lemme get cracking.