So I'm transporting people on and off the all but deserted UF campus when I happen upon a large vehicle parked dangerously close to the lake, and rounding a nearby bend saw several people tossing something into the waters.
I slow the bus to have a better look, and my worst fears are confirmed. A dingbat couple were teaching two small children to throw scraps from a KFC bucket into the lake.
To the alligators.
I beg the indulgence of my passengers, park the bus, and hasten to where the stark raving mad parents are attempting to prove Darwin correct, and hey, were it just the two of them I'd have tried to raise the campus police,reported it and been on my merry way, but kids were involved, they aren't supposed to know right from wrong, and time was of the essence.
And guess what? I wasn't even done explaining how fast a 6-foot gator can scoot up a shoreline when the Distaff side of this unimaginably stupid duo begins berating me for intruding upon their commune with nature. The husband was understandably frightened out of what little wit he possessed, and tried hushing her before, in his mind, he was tossed into the body of water as an example of what shouting at an otherwise friendly man can do to a woman's better half.
She remained adamant, so I went back to the bus and called for the campus police. Within minutes a cruiser arrived, and the officer was at first as nice as I, then raised his voice to a level approaching what Moses must have heard on the Mount.
"Ma'am, you either get back in your vehicle or you're going in mine." Was some of what he said, and it must have sunken through the many layers of tree-huggery, for the lady grabbed both children and hustled them back to the relative safety of the family dreadwagon.
They departed, leaving a mess for the cop to clean up so I helped him.
"Yankees."
"Yeah, but they were cute kids."
"Yeah. Anyways, thanks, driver, stay cool and we'll be seein' ya'all."
Loon-atic Yankees throwing Kentucky Fried Chicken to alligators. No wonder the South wanted out.
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