So A Kid Walks Into a Bar...

Saloons, movies, B'way shows –it's a toddler's town, but there are limits

You take your kid everywhere. Bars, nice restaurants, even mature-themed movies if a sitter isn't an option.

But not everyone applauds you. A Brooklyn bartender recently penned a manifesto against the traffic jam of strollers.

So when is taking your toddler to places that are normally for grownups crossing the line?

We've rounded up a handful of sensitive situations that might arise, asking experts for their take.

THE DRAMA MAMA: You want to catch the latest box-office juggernaut and the sitter called in sick. But allow us to usher in a reminder: Films with violence, obscenities and sex can agitate the sippy-cup set. "There is a chance the child can fall asleep," social worker Grecia Matthews says. "But if not, they can be overstimulated by what they're watching and hearing."

BLUE DIAMOND: If you bring your tyke to a baseball game, bring low expectations. Expect to walk them around a lot. If drunk, swearing fans are nearby, it is your job to set an example. "Hearing people curse around them is not going to hurt them psychologically," Matthews says, warning, however, that asking others to curb their behavior is a sure way to strike out.

THEY SEE DEAD PEOPLE: As long as children are letting the deceased rest in peace, funerals are okay, says Jim Noble, the manager of the Pitta Funeral Home in Brooklyn. "Unless a child is exposed to things, they really don't know how to behave in the future," he says. While not recommended for persons of a restless age, child psychologist Maria Lourdes Gonzales believes parents ought to consult their religious and cultural beliefs in deciding. And if young charges begin to distract, by all means take them away.

KIDS, NO CHASER: The smoking ban has cleared the air at some bars for small fry to venture forth. Despite vocal resistance from some patrons, many venues seem to be rolling with the stroller convoy. "We've never had objections that others have," says Buddy McCarthy, who welcomes families to the patio of his Shenanigan's in Brooklyn. But therapist Joan Ingber asks, "Why would you take a kid to a bar?" Again, overstimulation is possible. Daytime's better, experts say: more safety issues arise at night, as does boorish and sexual behavior.

MITE AT THE OPERA: The idea of introducing high culture to a growing mind is noble. But if opera, ballet or a Broadway drama is your goal with a Barney disciple, you could be in for a sad ending. Besides, you might tick off fans who paid big bucks for tickets. "A child is a child," Matthews says. "Don't expect them to act like a teenager or an adult. The child is going to get antsy or bored." If in doubt, pass on the pas de deux.

YOUR DIN IS SERVED: Carte blanche to bring small children into better restaurants depends on the vibe; some places are more geared to kids. A drawn-out meal at, say, a quiet bistro might cause more indigestion than gastronomic delight with an antsy preschooler. "He's not going to sit there for over an hour and listen to what you say," Matthews warns. And importantly, says psychologist Deborah Stark: "Socially, it's rude."
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We don't need some quackass psychologist to report upon what used to pass for common sense before quackass psychologists came along to make it rocket surgery.

To the unfortunate parent who MUST bring a child to an adult venue, you have my sympathies, but never, ever, let me catch you doing it again.

To the soon to be unfortunate parent that ENJOYS doing so, lets have a nice chat about this right after you put Junior to bed.