Fly On The Wall Time...

Somewhere in the Middle East...

Ringgggggggggg.....ringggggggggggggg

Mahmud? Are you there? Mahmud pick up the phone."

Ali? Master Ali is this you?

Of course it is I you thrice scorned sore on a monkeys testicle, and how many times have I told you not to use this machine-that-answers?

Ah, um, Master, but you said you needed to keep in contact with me and..

NEVER, you dog of a thousand lies and a lie! I told you to hire someone to answer the phone when you are out doing whatever it is you do when they bring fresh young boys to be sold at the bazaar, but that isn't important now. And you may trash both your machine-that answers as well as your telephone because the Times Of New Yorkers has told us that the American infidels are listening to everything we say. You HAVE read the Times lately, haven't you, Ali?

Um, ah, I am still trying to learn the English, oh great one and the Times of New Yorkers uses so very many long and difficult sounding words...

Enough you skin of a leprous pig! You've been learning English for 9 years now and it's still as bad as the manner in which their spaniard refugees speak. But we will not be speaking over telephones or the personalized computers either so you can erase those sickening screened names you employ while on America Online trying to teach children the art of fellatio. I've always told you that this can only be done in person and you must starve them for a time so that anything is pleasurable to taste, but you never listen. No, we will be using a magnificent new method of communication that our Leader Supreme himself has invented.

You, you mean Osam...

Silence! Haven't I told you NEVER to use his name over such telephony's? This is what I mean, Mahmud. None of you worthless curs can be trusted, so Leader Supreme has devised what he is referring to as The-Camel-Express, and here is how it will work. First you write down what it is you wish to tell me...

In code, oh great one?

Yes, yes, of course in code, you fool. But always use a difficult one, say something along the lines of spelling the words backward, but not TOO difficult, you understand?

Yes, my master, I understand. Perhaps we can use mirrors to write upon and then look at them through the reflection of other mirrors and...

Enough! Do not go into details over the telephony you pustulated swine! Write the message then hop aboard your swiftest camel. Drive the beast as hard as it can be driven, and somewhere along the path we will have established waystations with fresh camels.The Americans never target camels because their liberal mediums would scream to Allah himself that they were harming innocent creatures. Camel-Hop thusly until you have reached your destination.

Ah, but, but master...

Spit it out you stuttering fool! What?

We, ah, we do not have any more camels oh great one.

You do not have any...WHY in the name of all that is Allah do you NOT have any more camels?

Well, the Times of New Yorkers has done great things to help us, oh master, but before they could divulge all of the infidels secretings, the infidels, well, they cut off all of our monies, master, and we've been starving and had to...had to eat all of our camels.

You had to eat ALL of your...you blithering fool of a worthless creature! This ruins EVERYTHING our Leader Supreme has thought of to thwart the Americans! Wait...let me think, let me...aha, I have it! What was the name of that dwarven member of your band...Achned...

Ah, Achmed, my master, his name was Achmed...

Splendid! Achmed, yes. Alright now here is what you are to do. Achmed is so tiny he can easily pass for a child and the Americans hate killing children so send Achmed to me disguised as a young boy and I will send him back with some money for you to..

Master...

...to use in purchasing new camels. This can be easily done, and...

Master, there is something...

Haven't I told you to NEVER interrupt me you sniveling fool? Will you EVER understand the workings of a superior mind and the delicacy of it's thought processes? Well, what is this thing you so desperately need to tell me then?

Master, this is hard for me to...master we were very, very hungry, and when all of the camel's were gone, we, we...

Yes? What? Spit it out you tongue-twisted excuse for an upright male...

Achmed is no longer with us, my master because when all of the camels were gone...

Yes, yes, on with it man...

Well...we ate him too.

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