Big Bottomed Girls

Why cavemen liked curvy cavewomen...like Kylie

09/03/07

By Martin Evans

THERE are a few exceptions which will always stand out, but most female stars yearn for a diminutive derriere.

However, it appears that the small and slender bottom is very much a recent trend after an archaeological discovery revealed how Stone Age pin-ups were far from size zero.

Ancient carvings depicting the female form 15,000 years ago reveal that prehistoric women were revered for their curvaceous bodies and prominent buttocks.

The most popular were the cave-dwellers’ equivalents of Kylie Minogue (pictured), whose renowned behind is the world’s most popular posterior.

Historians claim that the carvings – found at a site in Poland – reveal how curvy bottoms were regarded as the most attractive physical trait for women in Stone Age Europe.

Men looking for a mate ignored skinnier women and fought for females with the shapeliest behinds.

Experts said a well-presented bottom was a sign of wealth, health and a good diet.

They also suggested she would be a successful mother, able to produce lots of children and sent out a message to other men that her partner was a strong and successful hunter – making him more attractive to other women.

Around 30 of the figurines were unearthed at the dig and archaeologists believe they would have been carried by the travelling hunters as items of decorative beauty to admire while they were away from home and their loved ones.

The flat carvings were fashioned out of flint, bone, ivory and tooth.

They depict the profile of women minus their heads – strongly suggesting that cavemen were more interested in the shape of the body than the way a female looked.

Romuald Schild, of the Polish Academy of Sciences, who led the dig, said: “The engravings and figurines adhere to a style depicting feminine silhouettes with over represented buttocks.”

The site of the discovery in central Poland is a known Late Magdalenian settlement. It has thrown up 10,000 archaeological finds since 1993.

It is thought the discovery is in an area where hunters gathered to relax and swap stories.

Other remains include a woolly rhinoceros, horse and Arctic fox. Animal teeth and tusks were used in jewellery, made by the hunters in their spare time.

They also found time to carve the figurines, which prove that behind every outstanding Stone Age woman was an outstanding behind.

Said to myself upon first seeing the headline, okay, this has GOT to be from the UK, where "science" is whatever they can sell to the Discovery Channel. Ask a 3 year-old to draw a picture of mommy, and guess what?

Lacking the talent necessary to clearly delineate the female form from its male counterpart, children will always accentuate the obvious differences, and such accentuations are found throughout history.

And not for nothing, but most of the world hasn't the foggiest clue as to who old Kylie happens to be. When I moved back to Australia to stay...that lasted 4 years...skanky Kylie was all the rage and the Aussies were amazed that I'd never heard of her.

And to show precisely WHO the real world thinks of when talking ass, I just answered an email from China where the sender had mentioned Beyonce. Flatchested skanks who happen to have a big butt and the thunder thighs to go with it aren't my cup of tea, sorry.