Monday, May 15, 2006

The President Speaks To A Concerned Nation On Illegal Immigration...

"Hey there. I'm George W. Bush and I've sent home 6 million illegals but we can't catch the other 12 million because the yellow ass media caught on and got the beaners all in an uproar. Then even the Democrats heard about it and boy where they pissed. One a' the Kennedy boys done got himself so drunk he nearly pulled a Chappyquick.

And I shouldn't have the stones to say that we're all a nation of immigrants because our forefathers did it legally, but well, we are, so that makes them as good as us right from the get-go. Only problem I see is that we need us a tamper-card that is proof all the new immigrants are just doin' the job real Americans don't want because the farmers won't use technology like the rest of the world 'cause a' they got themselves truckloads of beaners. And how could we tell alla them rich folks to go mow their own lawns, and don't tell me that college kids used to do it even cheaper, because so many nowadays college kids are minorities and we can't be belittlin' them by askin' 'em to crank up no old John Deere when they should be gettin' into medical schools for free.

But they's gotta be some way to stop folks from just waltzin' they asses in here, so I'm askin' Congress to use some a that there technology that we used to be all high and mighty with until we gave it all away for free to the Japanese so they wouldn't bomb Pearl Harbors no more.

Secure. Orderly. Fair.

Orderly, secure and fair. And if I missed a buzzword then make like I didn't because if'n you were me and couldn't run for office no more you wouldn't even be lettin' any a this bother you in the first place.

Thank you, and may God bless America. Even the parts what don't really belong to us no more."

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