People used to play this game all the time. Back when it was possible for "average" folken to become President, that is. Now, it is a virtual impossibility for a true patriot/gunslinger to occupy the Oval Office, but here's my take on a first day as Commander in Chief.
There isn't much time to sit back and enjoy the feeling, so it's on the phone I go. Placing calls to the heads of every oil company American-owned, or an ally, I resist the temptation to be unreasonable and give them 24 hours to make it into town.
After the pleasantries are exchanged it's down to brass tacks. So listen guys and gals, I begin, here's the deal. We're at war. With a foe we fund each and every day because let's face it, the enemy sits atop most of the world's oil supplies and this is not only a stupid way to fight a war...paying your foe to do you harm...it's dishonorable. Now, the reason I asked all of you here is because of the wonderful job you've been doing. Gasoline prices in the US are dirt cheap compared to Europe and Asia, and we won't for the time being talk about South America because they're unworthy of the sweat off our brow, okay?
Hell, milk is replenishable and gas is cheaper, so thanks, but here's what's going to happen, starting the moment you walk out that door. I'm going to get the approval of Congress on this, but in the meantime think of it as a done deal. We're taking every last cent from NASA's budget to begin the funding of what we'll call The American Project. The Manhattan Project took us from no nukes to nukes in 4 years time, and that's the clock you'll be up against. Because 4 years from this day, this very moment, we're going to have an alternative energy source that works. A source that will replace gasoline, and home heating oil, and pretty much everything else that works on dead-dinosaur-droppings. I know it'll be more expensive than plain old gas at first, but we're going to subsidize the deal until you all can go back to making a healthy profit, as all businesses SHOULD do, but for now you're going to be the point of the spear, and that means pitching in and taking some of the burden. Not that you'll be laying people off, or worrying about where your next Leer Jet is coming from, far from it. But it wouldn't hurt to begin tightening the old belts if you get my drift.
Recent history has proven that private industry can do things better than any government...the Manhattan Project aside because those were different times...so the research monies are going to be given to all of you in equal amounts to get this thing cooking. My own science boys tell me that 4 years isn't nearly enough, but that's what the eggheads were saying to Roosevelt back in the day, and he told them it was all the time they had, so get cracking. Because 4 years from now your all going to sashy back into this office with big smiles on your faces and tell me that it's a done deal. You've discovered the way to go, ready to make even more money than ever before, and without our enemies as your competition because there ain't going to BE no competition. We're going to put THEM out of business and you people are going to get ALL of the world's energy business in the years to come.
Win-win for everyone. Everyone but the people who've been holding the free world hostage because to take them out means cutting our nose to spit our face. But not anymore. Today begins the march to energy independance. If you're not up to it them tell me here and now because you'll never sell a DROP of oil in this country ever again, and I mean that, even if I have to release our entire oil reserve until we find somebody else to step up to the plate.
Now, I'm not an unreasonable man or I would have given you maybe 3 or 4 hours to get here, tops, so if you hit a snag or two down the road, don't be shy in getting back to me. And sure, you're braniacs are going to be screaming to all hell over this, but I'm prepared to lend you some of our boys because NASA isn't going to be making shuttles just to fly to space stations that are built just to have a place for shuttles to fly to, anymore. We'll get back to the final frontier and all that jazz just as soon as the energy thing is solved, but for now don't go thinking that you'll be hurting for any Einsteins.
So let's get us some of that famous White House chow and shoot the shit for a while until you guys are ready to go back home and get working. And oh yeah, almost forgot; don't go worrying about keeping this a secret or anything because I'll be releasing it to the American people in person. The secret part comes when you start making progress, and if you spill any of THOSE beans, then I promise to shoot you dead myself. So let's open those fancy menu's you each have in front of you and we can begin ordering then get this show on the road.
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