Tuesday, March 30, 2010

And Now For Something Completely Ridiculous...

Cutlery Corner...

"Right. Right, the final item, this is the last one, this is 275 Delta Force Warhawk 5 folding knives and 275 Delta Force Warhawk Junior folding knives. These are authentic reproduction Delta Force knives. These are-"

"Watch yourself!"

"These are probably the sharpest - he he - sharpest knives we've had here. These can cut through an ogre's bone."

"Just one of those Delta Force knives would be worth a thousand dollars to the right collector. Those are, aren't they classified?"

"These are top secret knives. These are the knives you have all been praying for. They are the ultimate killing weapon. You get a total of 550 of them, mother of pearl on the handle, inlaid authentic gold colored inlay and these just snap open."

The above is a couple years old rendition of what Cutlery Corner used to pitch to late-night cable audiences. Todd Boone and Tom O'Dell still sell these pot-metal knives but do so in separate offerings. Todd will go from 3 AM until 4:30 or thereabouts, with O'Dell then taking over and rehashing the same line of what has to be the worst knives made anywhere in the modern world.

Frost Cutlery has them imported from sweat-shops in China, luring in the young, the stupid, the absolutely retarded insomniacs everywhere in the good old U.S. of A.

Here in Florida, the ION Network...if you can call ION a network instead of three guys with some old movies and repeat/canceled TV shows they got on the cheap...offers Cutlery Corner on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights/early mornings, and for me is one helluva terrific comedy. Broadcast direct from beautiful downtown Tennessee, Todd and Tom lie, cheat, and all-out steal if need be, to push their shoddy wares to the unawares, and the prevarications are outright outrageous enough to get most pitchmen some jail time but hey, COX Cable and ION are sleazebags extraordinaire, and this is broadcast really late so who should care?

It's somewhat fascinating because I've simply never witnessed such outright thievery, at least not on American TV, and akin to watching a snake preparing to strike. Dunno if these con men are available where you hail from, but clicking the Cutlery Corner link will whisk you to their website where you can check for yourself.

Oh yeah and before I forget, this back and forth went on last Friday between Todd and his cameraman:

"Now this deal is what we call a BOGO. That means Buy One, Get One Free. Well not exactly; there's no mention of Free in BOGO. That'd be BOGOF and not easy to pronounce so's you couldn't call it, what's it called?

A synonym?

(Cameraman mutters something offscreen)

Antonym? Yeah that's right an Antonym. When you use the letters from a lot of words to make a different word. Like BOGO."


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