Ralph Peters Gets-It

MARINE HUMOR

September 1, 2007 -- BEHIND their no-non sense personas and parade-ground posture, the Marines have the wickedest sense of humor of any of our services. It's a hoot to be around them.

That take-no-prisoners humor was on display in the Fallujah area of operations. As I walked into a headquarters shack, a poster on the front door made me do a cartoon double-take. To appreciate the beauty of it, you just have to understand one military term, "OPSEC," or operations security - the protection of any tidbit of information that might be of value to an enemy.

On the poster, a frightened kitten bounds across a field of wildflowers straight toward the viewer, as if about to leap into your arms for protection. Fanged gingerbread monsters are in hot pursuit. The main caption:

"Every time you break OPSEC, God kills a kitten."

At the bottom, flanked by twin photos of beseeching kittens, the poster begged: "Please, think of the kittens."

I laughed out loud, then laughed again at the audacity of it. My own service, the Army, would've worried about offending religious organizations. The Navy would've failed to see what kittens have to do with aircraft carriers.

And the Air Force would've objected that its chief of staff had never been personally involved in the execution of kittens, that the scandal was all the contractor's fault.

God bless 'em, the Corps realized that if it made young Marines laugh - memorably - they'd be more apt to remember the message.

In the Outpost Delta office of Capt. Quintin Jones, the commander of Lima Company, 3rd Battalion, 3rd Marines, there's a grab-your-attention poster featuring a lineup of players in football gear. The caption runs: "Ever wonder why the Marines don't have a football team like the Army, Navy or Air Force?

"We're here to protect a country, not a quarterback."

And, at the bottom, beside a charging warrior: "The Marines. The few, the proud."

Shameless self-promotion? You bet. And brilliant.

Ralph Peters' reports from Iraq are online at the Opinion page at nypost.com

Such humor can easily get one in trouble when dealing with prissy, effeminate, egotistical, there's-a-monster-under-my-bed (wetting) jerkwads. All the more reason to use it. When alls said and done, fuck-em if they can't take a joke.