Tuesday, October 25, 2005

An Open Letter To President Bush On Who To Replace Harriet With...

Hi, George. From what I've been reading over at NRO, and WSJ, and most of not ALL of the conservative blogs, men are beginning to feel discriminated against because of the your refusal to nominate a man when, according to word from the White House, all the other female's considered for the nomination in one way or another, begged off.

Aren't men people too? There isn't a male judge, or lawyer anywhere in the country more suitable than your secretary?

Okay, okay, we're talking about lawyers, and the word suitable shouldn't be in the same dictionary, and dogcatchers are out of the question [old habits die hard and the urge to collar a flea-bitten senator or two would be too difficult to overcome], but aren't there enough butcher's, bakers, and candlestick makers out there to chose from?

And, heaven forbid, male one's, perhaps? You've said that you dislike quota's, so what's up with this woman-or-nothing approach to filling the court's vacancy? Have you read of Harriet's fondness for quota systems and been swayed by her super-dee-duper line of reasoning?

Now, we all know that the gutless Republican led Senate has told you, please, no controversial nominees, but that excludes ALL conservatives so what's a President to do? I wholeheartedly agree that watching the Schumer-Kennedy-Biden-Feinstein-Turbin act is revolting, and would pretty much do anything to prevent those sad excuses for humanity to be given a bully-pulpit from which to dispense their swill-laden rhetoric to an already weary public, but this is the time to stand for what we truly believe in and go for the gusto.

We might not have such a majority again anytime soon, and it's now or never time, so listen up, George.

Ronny was an actor, Arnold was an actor, and even Gopher from the Love Boat who became a Congressman was an actor, and yeah, how's about the ex-Senator who went BACK to acting on Law & Order?

The hell with this gotta-be-a-lawyer stuff, George, it's just not working. Lawyers are too much like politicians; they love the sound of their own voice, will do anything for attention, and have the lowest moral fiber of any creature on the face of god's green earth. Used car salesmen aside, just for the sake of argument.

So if you can nominate someone who hasn't clue-one about the Constitution, why not someone the people will rally around as opposed to against? Reputable folks, the aforementioned butchers, and bakers, et al, wouldn't touch politics with a 10' pole, but...an ACTOR, an actor would love it.

Two words. Sylvester Stallone.

I know he isn't a women, and your heart was dead-set on a woman, but for heavens sake, gals love this guy. How else do you explain the success of a man who cannot be understood in any language on the face of the earth? And he's making a new Rocky movie and what a tie-in that could be!

Picture it now, if you would; Rocky 6...filming has begun and Stallone accepts the nomination. The press goes wild, fans clamor for his appointment, and the hearings...and this is the BEST part...the hearings take place on location so as not to interfere with the movie EVERYONE has been clamoring for!

Senator Feinstein: Mr. Stallone, I want to see the man inside of the man, the caring, gentle, feeling, loving, understanding, gracious, appealing, hunk, er, um, pardon, where was I...

Senator Schumer: At first I thought that nominating you was a dagger to the heart of the American judicial system, and that you'd have a hard road to hoe in getting the nod of the Senate, and that Rome wasn't built in a day and all the tea in China wouldn't convince us that it takes two to Tango but never say never and if I raise the flag will you salute it with the graciousness that we've extended this olive branch of hope for the meek and humble justice we all want...

Senator Kennedy: [burp] Did you evah get really punched really ha'd in the nose when filming the er, um Ricky movies?

He's a proven winner, George, and they'll never understand a word of what he says but his shrugs and grins and self-effacing demeanor will win them over in a heartbeat.

Nominate Sly. It's the American thing to do and he could even wear his red, white, and blue boxing trunks to the hearings.

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