Saturday, February 03, 2007

Movie Reviews: Superman Returns...The Devil Wears Prada

Streep first. Good lord, but Meryl just gets better with age. The woman chewed up the scenery every chance she got and then some, while her pitiful co-star Anne Hathaway resorted to mugging for the camera as opposed to this weird deal called acting. Plot? Young girl moves to big city then takes a job with an evil boss. She loses her significant other along the way...some child actor they tried dressing up like a man...as well as all of her friends...who were horrified that she'd turncoat and earn some money...while changing into something she previously hated.

Someone who worked for a living.

GASP.

Stanley Tucci was onboard to play mentor to the young slacker, and while he was okayyyyyyy, it wasn't the usual Tucci tour de force. British actress Emily Blunt played, Emily of all people, a nasty co-worker, and was miscast in a role that needed someone with just a modicum of talent.

Because of Streep, it's worth wading through Generation X whining about pretty much everything there is to whine about, and at the end of the day Prada is a chick flick with nice scenery and clothes, lots and lots of clothes, that ALMOST make our young heroine look sexy instead of romper-roomish.

Almost.

Devil Wears Prada gets 3 Double-Taps out of a possible 5 since Meryl decided to save the whole thing all by her lonesome.

Superman Returns, on the other hand:

"After a long visit to the lost remains of the planet Krypton, the Man of Steel returns to earth to become the peoples savior once again and reclaim the love of Lois Lane."

So begins the IMBd plot description, but all you really need to know is that a gay director found himself a gay actor and lots of gay writers to finally do Superman as Greenwich Village always wanted him to be done. Brandon Routh can actually be heard uttering a line or two along the way, although it's obvious that he was selected for his resemblance to Christopher Reeve and nothing else.

And when I say (think Foghorn Leghorn) nothing else, it's in spades. Reeve was the first movie Superman in 40 years, and since the special effects were 1978'ish state-of-the-art, a grateful audience tried desperately to believe that a man could fly. The boss of all superhero bosses was back in the limelight, so we forgot that his portrayal of Clark Kent was as dumb and goofy as dumb and goofy could get, and Gene Hackman was along to shout for his chesty minion Velerie Perine so what the hell. In Return, we get Kevin Spacey who not for one moment could have believed the cameras were really rolling, and HIS chesty minion is instead Parker Posey (Miss indie films) doing skank in place of siren.

The writing was putrid, the direction non-existent. It takes a certain kind of actor to play make-believe with a bluescreen and in this case the bluescreen won. Hands down. Kate Bosworth didn't even try to capture the essence of Lois Lane, and at the risk of seeming as politically incorrect as all get out, WHO could blame her? Her leading man thinks girls are icky, so that meant falling back on ACTING, and most of today's performers don't do acting, thank you very much, they emote as it damned well pleases them.

That's probably why Frank Langella looked so very embarassed as Perry White, and yeah, it pissed me off when he said "Truth, Justice, " then left out And The American Way.

Jack Larsen is Bo the bartender, and Noel Neil played the old lady that croaks in the beginning of the film. Neither looked particularly happy to be there, and poor dead Marlon...

I swear his decades-old voice overs sounded as if they were trying to stifle a yawn. Or maybe a raspberry.

2 Double-Taps for the special effects. Even though his costume changed colors from blue to green so often the movie should have used Over The Rainbow as its theme song, but the John Barry stuff is so damned good I'm glad they decided to use something that worked. I saw the original Superman movie with a young niece who oohed and awwed to beat the band, and remembered Amanda's reaction while I was trying to make it through Returns without offering far less appropriate grunts of displeasure.

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