Friday, May 13, 2011

Messenger Exclusive: The Osama Diaries

Since American Special Forces raided the Osama bin Ladin hideout, the government has been releasing excerpts from bin Ladin's personal diary. Here is but one of many we'll be featuring as a glance into the mind of a maniac.

December 31st, 2010: 3rd wife Manage burnt my toasted goat's kidney again this morning. I keep telling her that "toasted" does not mean cast into the very fires of hell but she continues to cook while watching that abominable black American fat woman on the magnificent wide screen 18 inch television I gave her as an anniversary gift. One more time and no TiVo until she learns her lesson. #Note to time we crash planes in America aim for the Oprah studio.

January 1st, 2011: The infidels are celebrating their New Year and I have commanded my training officers to teach our jihadists how to emulate westerners by learning such customs. Since I have an eidetic memory there is no need for them to seek such information in Satanist libraries or that evil interwebbery called Giggle, so I sent 8th wife Fatima to purchase fireworks and Uncle Sam costumes which are used and worn on the first day of every year by all heretics the world over. #Note to time we crash planes in America aim for movie houses showing George Cohan film Yankee Doodle Candy.

February 10, 2011: Soon the Americans will be celebrating Valentine's Day and I've ordered my 4th in command Hasseem to set up a Twitter account so that I might post a love poem to Michelle Obama whereby she will instantly fall in love with me and give away all of America's secrets. Or at the very least where her husband has his hair dyed.


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