To: Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton
Dear Senator Clinton,
I've been following the early stages of your campaign with great interest. It is refreshing to see a politician who seems to have all of the answers, and this leads me to believe that you must have an incredible staff that works tirelessly in providing you with up to the minute information on virtually anything of interest to the American people and our allies.
With this in mind, I was hoping that you or one of your bright people could help me. Remember the Professor on Gilligans Island? The one who could make a ham radio out of coconut shells? The one who invented everything the castaways used to stay hale and hearty?
Well this has been bothering me for quite some time now, and my question for you is thus: If the man could construct a radio receiver from nothing more than fish scales and seagull droppings, then why couldn't he fix a hole in a boat?
Thank you, and good luck in your political endeavors.
Sincerely,
Fits
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Dear Mr. Fits,
On behalf of Senator Clinton I'd like to thank you for the interest you've shown in her Presidential campaign, and while the Senator would like nothing more than to answer all of the questions we receive from patriotic Americans such as yourself, it is of course impossible to do so. I'm attaching a list of upcoming events at which the Senator is expected to speak, and I urge you to contact the offices of your local Democratic party officials in Florida. The Senator is sure that you and many others will receive many answers to the pressing problems facing us today simply by attending these events, and needs the support of all Americans to contribute whatever possible to assist her in this lengthy and expensive endeavor.
Sincerely,
Mike Henry
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