Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Hogtown Rumpus

Haven't made mention of the Hogtowners lately, but pretty near all hands are practicing for the big gator cull coming up next month. Here's the fly in the ointment, though. Seems as if one must enter a lottery in order to become eligible to participate in the August hunt, but the locals...meaning all the Slaughter brothers and me since I seem to be the only Hogtown Irregular without the title of High Marshall because somebody needs to cook and fetch clean water...are making like, well, a drawing of sorts is damned unconstitutional and who the hell says we can't cull our own damned gators. I'm hesitant to add that I entered my name and am awaiting the results simply because what the hell would I do if I was given a license. Tell the other guys that nyah- nyah, I can shoot but you can't...

So I'm hoping that I don't hear from the government men anytime soon. Anyone who lives near or has reason to traverse the swamplands but of course shoots gators on a regular basis. Just can't go bragging about it. The forest fires made a bloody mess of the natural habitat for hogs and gators and all the other critters too, but as is always the case in nature the bigger, more aggressive animals faired a helluva lot better. The gators are fatter than ever, the hogs still skittish because the scent of predators is often hidden by the smoke aroma and will charge just for the sake of being ornery, but they seem to be prospering too. One thing I've discovered and it's really only common sense I guess, is that even the biggest alligator won't mess with a fair sized human. If I was unconscious or definitely done dancin' it'd be a different story I'm sure, but all they do is thrash and snap and go through some bluff charges. More than one met his maker before I realized that they were only posturing, but better safe than sorry. Getting complacent simply because I've yet to be bitten is just asking TO be bitten so sorry about that chief, you come too close and it's lights out.

Hackle tells me that one of the Duluth twins swore on a stack of bibles he spotted a 16 footer lallygagging near Hogtown Creek, and the local abattoir fellow hasn't put out a reward for one, not really. I mentioned it to one of the local game rangers and he didn't even bat an eye because the feeding has been good and last year we had virtually no hurricanes to muck the waterways and this year it's been nada as well. But getting back to the abattoir fellow, he says that if anyone brings him a big ass gator he'll do some hog slaughtering for free and that's cool because a lot of hungry people can be well fed just for the price of a shotgun shell or two. Nature provides. As along as the government doesn't frig it all to hell.

Anyway, might not hurt much to take a jaunt down to Hogtown Creek. Come cull season, the swamp will be overrun with "hunters" looking to have their picture taken with that prize alligator, and some detweiler might get lucky and bag himself one of the old granddad swamp lizards just to taxidermy the thing and have it shipped back to NY or some other dirty place. Lots of resident who win a place in the lottery sell the rights to out of towners, and wouldn't that just be a crying shame.

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