'NO MORE DIANAS'

So says the Queen, and the free world should be awfully glad of that...

April 16, 2007 -- Prince William abruptly ended his tabloid-titillating, five-year romance with cutie Kate Middleton after his grandmother, Queen Elizabeth, reportedly warned him, "We don't want another Diana."

The notoriously prim-and-proper queen was tough on 24-year-old William in a closed-door meeting at a family gathering just over a week ago - warning him not to "rush down the aisle," so that the family might avoid a debacle similar to the ill-fated union of the prince's mother, Diana, and dad, Prince Charles, according to Britain's News of the World.

William's royal kin also didn't approve of the 25-year-old Middleton's decidedly middle-class "breeding," sources told the paper.

Offenses that apparently landed Middleton's mother, a former flight attendant, on the wrong side of the prince's family ranged from her once being caught snapping chewing gum at a royal event to saying "toilet" rather than lavatory, sources said.

Also at the private meeting was William's father, Charles, and grandfather Prince Philip, who reportedly told his grandson to make a decision now about Middleton because "you can't string her along forever."

An engagement between William and Middleton was rumored to be in the works in December, after the stylishly dressed beauty - who once famously quipped that the prince "is lucky to be going out with me" - appeared at the prince's "passing out," or graduation, from Sandhurst Academy.

Her presence during the ceremony revealed just how important she was in William's life.

But shortly after, when William left to begin his military training in rural England and Middleton remained in London, working as an accessories buyer for Jigsaw, the hot-blooded relationship began to cool..."

She was decidedly middle class, and not ready for prime time so off with her head. Who, besides a Prince, dates a woman for 5 years then drops her like a hot potato because grandma says so? Not that she was all that, but come on now. British comedy's always take a turn for the farcical so look for the future King to wind up with someone a lot worse.