The guy ahead of me in line had officer written all over him. But climbing to the top of the hill in order to make a phone call home sometimes meant fighting your way past VC ambushes and no officer in his right mind would be caught dead with insignia. But he was one sick mo-fo that much was beyond a doubt.
Look, I've got the shits real bad, man, do me a favor and hang on the line for me while I go to the latrine, please?
Why the hell not I figured. Said as much and the guy scooted off to do his business. Bloody MARS lines took forever to make the connection anyway and the chances of someone answering the phone before he got back was...
Johnson residence, who shall I say is calling?
Oh fuck. Um, yeah, well, I'm in Vietnam and holding the phone for this guy who needed to go to the can and I guess maybe he wanted to talk to his mother or girlfriend...
Hold the line please...
Christ, where is that asshole? Sounded like somebody's goddamned butler picked up the phone, who the hell knows somebody with butlers and gets sent to this shithole...
Hello? Am I to understand that you are calling from Vietnam?
Um, ah, yes ma'am, I am...
Well you certainly do not sound Vietnamese, sir, so may I presume you are in the service of our armed forces and holding the line for my future son-in-law?
Ma'am I really don't know the guy from Adam. We climbed the hill like always and he was waiting here but had to go to the shi...the bathroom really bad so I said I'd hold the line open for him. And ah, yeah Ma'am I'm a Marine...
Well that's nice, young man, very much so. Be so kind as to tell Major Robb that my daughter is unavailable at the moment, but that I will certainly tell her that he called. Is is night there, young man?
Ah, yes it is Ma'am, but I...
Then have a goodnight and thank you for calling.
Lady Bird Johnson Dies At 94
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