The morning after the Florida Gators defeated Ohio State...sounds familiar, doesn't it...a drunken reveler ran over a police lieutenant, took down two motorcycle cops, and destroyed as many barriers as could be counted. The lieutenant passed away Thursday afternoon, and Monday morning a few miles of roads will be closed as the funeral procession winds its way through town. From 8AM until 2 PM. I've a list of seniors needing transportation, and this is going to be a tough one. Yeah, that's what I do, drive oldsters to the doctors and shopping and pretty much wherever they need to go. The more people do such things the less the state or city has to fork over tons of cash, but to be honest, if there's one entitlement I'd agree with is better care for seniors.
Not that its an easy gig. They can really test one's patience, and last week I actually had an 87 year-old lady slap me because I was late and she was afraid of missing a hairdresser's appointment. That's when you want to say, okay, enough. I'd have been more pissed if she hadn't hurt her hand, but how much of that was pain versus looking up into the eyes of the prince of fucking darkness holding back the wrath of brimstone eternal will never be known.
Anyway, there are some real sweethearts that need genuine care and it'll be hard to explain to them why we're going to be late, and this brings me back to special treatment for special people. Not that the officer doesn't deserve a good send-off, mind you. Hey, getting totaled by a drunken driver is a bad enough way to go without them tossing you a shindig to remember, but to shut down the heart of the town for 6 hours...and you know damned well it'll be a helluva lot longer...is a tad over the top. I'll be driving a bus used to transport seniors only, so maybe the powers that be will take pity and let us through. But here it is Saturday night and I'm looking over the maps to see the best routes to take around the procession, and that sucks. If I had ANY balls I'd say to hell with it and make them wait until the late afternoon or Tuesday, but for the life of me I can't stand to disappoint a bunch of crazy old coots that depend on such transportation. One of the ones is a guy named Archie. Archie is 105, and will be 106 in June. He can only get around if someone virtually lifts him up and tucks him into a seat, but the one thing he can't do without is his trip to the liquor store then stocks the old icebox with as many cans of Budweiser as it can hold.
105. In 50 some odd years I can only hope that someone will be there to drive my decrepit ass around town, and I guess I'm so selfish and thats why I do this shit. Maybe by then things will have changed and the aged and/or disabled will have a better way of getting around, but I for one am tired of waiting for a Jetson's lifestyle so who knows. But who am I kidding. I'll go the way I've always known it will be. I'll one day forget that I'm a quarter of a man and try to do something a full man would do and the lights will go out. I'll take a swing at some asshole that just knocked a woman down while pushing through a crowd in some Walmart and the old ticker will say adios jerkwad. Anyway, lemme get back to my map.
6 hours. What are they going to do? Walk the damned route? Hell. HE could probably hoof it in that amount of time.
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