Monday, July 09, 2007

Race You To The Top


"Let them quibble and snivel under oath. Let them try to avoid telling the truth. Let them face America and put on the official record their whole-cloth fabrications as to why the Statue of Liberty is the only national park closed since 9/11.

By "them" we mean Interior Secretary Dirk Kempthorne and National Park Service Director Mary Bomar, who should be called to testify at congressional hearings into why the statue remains captive to fear.

Rep. Anthony Weiner, long a champion of Lady Liberty's reopening, just announced such hearings in the wake of the House of Representatives' vote last month to restore full public access to the monument, not just to the pedestal. Such votes have been held before, by both House and Senate, and been ignored by Parks and Interior.

Initially, the feds offered a list of "health and safety" concerns, including narrow and steep circular staircases in the statue and, get this, the fact that "heat can be oppressive in the summer." Then it discovered the statue was a fire hazard, though the FDNY has never weighed in on this.

For well over 100 years, patriotic Americans tramped up and down the stairs to the crown, undismayed by narrowness, steepness, heat or fear of fire. Since access to the statue was denied, there has been a 40.8% drop in annual visitors - 2.24 million fewer. Reopen the statue, and people shall joyfully return. Security measures instituted on Liberty Island can readily be extended to individuals seeking access to the crown. Crowds can be limited and screened. If Parks maintains its pyrophobia, make visitors sign a waiver. But do not make them partners to cowardice."

No indeed. Buts it's far more complicated than the clueless Daily News makes it out to be. Made my first trek to the crown when I was 5, dragged along by an Aunt through crowds of other women dragging along their kids. Gladys simply loved going to the Statue and I can't remember the amount of times we made the climb. Didn't end with childhood, because whenever I was in town she'd ask if there was time for a Liberty day. Funny thing happened over the years though. People starting getting a lot heavier, stopping along the winding staircase to catch a breath or call for help, and there'd be days everyone was stuck inside when one chub or another was sprawled out awaiting emergency services, and if you've never made the ascent you sure don't want to with a gaggle of behemoths yanking along behemoth children then having to be rescued by all of those dozen firefighters and ambulance dudes who always seem to HAVE to arrive at the same time and bully their way inside.

People would complain that there should be a weight limit, some sort of size restriction, ANYTHING to keep the two-ton-tessie's out of such a confining space and let's not get into the aroma. There'd be times we'd get halfway up only to scoot right back down along with hundreds of other visitors after coming across a half-ton roadblock of suet when a family of hippo-wannabees collapsed as one, and nobody was making it passed that day. Think taking a seat next to one of them on a lengthy plane ride is awful? Stand in line then follow the flesh up the old and winding and smelly and cramped staircase and betcha you'll never do it again not in a million years.

Should they reopen the Crown? Sure. Why not. Erect signs along the way warning people to the hazards of being Patriotic alongside Babar and his family, but for heavens sake keep the ACLU away from the lawsuits once the fatties start getting stuck again then complaining they're being discriminated against. "Screen" the moslems AND the enormous?

Good luck with that.

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