It's Scientific Experimentational Time

No kidding. I'm dead serious about this. I've been handling guns for over four and a half decades, and like anyone who has done something for so long a period of time, I may very well have fallen into a rut.

I keep hearing that guns "go-off". That one moment they are tickled pink to be an inanimate object, then all of a sudden and without rhyme nor reason, they start shooting. There's even a disease among law enforcement officers referred to as Glock Leg. There it rests, all snuggly-wuggly warm in a cozy holster, when BAM.

And its not only Glocks because certain departments have turned in their just-went-off'ers for other brands and guess what?

See how smart you are. Yep. "Damned things are killer guns, boy" is the oldtimer way of warning you not to turn your back on any semi-automatic that doesn't have 6 or 7 active safeties, so ya'll better wise up.

ALL guns are made to kill. ALL guns can go-off. In all of my life I'd never heard anything resembling this hue and cry, and its high time to think of the children. The children.

I've been wrong before but sweet christ on a crutch what if I'm wrong again. What if I'm harboring monster machines from hell that could turn on me and mine without a moments notice.

The gun is loaded. The gun is in an area where it cannot be touched by a passerby. The closest I am allowing either myself or Lisa to get near the thing is 10'.

And, each and every time one of us walks past, the deal is to talk to it. To incite it. To bring it to a rage. To kindle that spark of evil until it blossoms into a bonfire of destruction.

Kill me. Go ahead. Kill me.

I'm not going to touch you EVER again. You'll lie there, useless as a Lorcin. Your Austrian roots shamed by quiescence.

But all you have to do is shoot me. Just once. Show me how bad you really are. One little negligent discharge and it's back to the TOP shelf of the gunsafe. The place where all the SPECIAL guns go to rest. Remember that old Colt you used to see every now and again? The one you never imagined you'd be dozing alongside. Shoot me, and you get that HALLOWED slot.

It's up to you, you puny agglomeration of plastic and potmetal.

Show me what you got.

If that doesn't set it off, nothing will, and I'll report back from time to time to keep you all abreast.