Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Bird Flu Killing...Birds

Human death toll remains at approximately 60.

China: 2,600 Birds Dead of Bird Flu

The Asian animal rights group PETA, or People Eat Tasty Animals, have lodged protests with the World Health Organization, demanding that a cure for the avian flu be found so that they might continue to eat sharks, monkeys, whales, dolphins, turtles, frogs, bears, alligators, and of course, birds, without fear of contracting one version or another of this dreaded disease.

"This is all an attempt to stop the Asian peoples from pursuing their normal dietary habits." a representative of PETA told to Messenger under conditions of total anonymity, "first it was the dolphins they were all worried about then came the whales, then sharks of all things, then monkeys and finally we can no longer even sample live bird juices from a straw at any bizzare in all of Asia without becoming infected with some form of the virus we are certain comes from some clandestine Israeli-American laboratory. I mean, come on now, if the Gods had not intended for us to consume all animals why did he give them so much meat?"

Messenger has left word at various U.N. health organizations, but has yet to receive a return call to determine if our source, Mr. Szu Batcha, was in any way correct in these incredible accusations.

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