Today's Episode Of: As The Loon Turns

This Week, Lover Lips Continues To Keep His On-The-Side Hump Quiet At Least Until Stumpy Kicks

OY, has the National Enquirer got stuff piled up on the future very private citizen John Edwards. Oy. And another - oy. Not only are they on the case 10 months, but they've had PIs on the case for months. Executive Editor Barry Levine tells me, "Although, as you've probably read, our organization, American Media, is under the gun, they have nevertheless devoted really big money to this."

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Levine claims the huge sum they've spent on this story is only a spit to "the enormous amounts we know Edwards is spending to keep it contained. But he can't. We've followed the money trail. He bought her [Rielle Hunter] a $1 million house in North Carolina. Few days before our headlines forced him to go public, he spent $150,000 just on a private plane to whisk her to some undisclosed place. She was moved in the middle of the night. Lots of money is being spent to keep her happy and away from the media.

"We have exclusive photographic evidence, pictures, videos, hard proof to further incriminate Edwards. He doesn't at this point know what we have, which is why I'm asking that we don't reveal too much yet. And which we will use unless and until he acknowledges paternity.

"She believes they'll be together in future because Elizabeth's health concerns make it just a matter of time. Whatever he's said, in her mind the clock is running. We know this.

"Although Edwards has this loyalist Andrew Young trying to claim it's really his baby in order to take the heat off Edwards, we know that's false. Young brought his wife and children to visit this lady Rielle Hunter. Now, nobody brings his wife and kids to have a nice social meeting with his mistress. It's ridiculous.

"For now, she's following whatever script he's written for her. She's saying what she's told to say. Keeping her mouth shut. John Edwards and Rielle are in steady contact. Who knows, but as things go along, she may tire of the game. And we'll be ready."