Saturday, April 22, 2006

The check's in the mail, I'm sure...

The mail:

"I have a new email address!"

You can now email me at: . Mr.Habib Waheed.Date:22-04-2006.

Kindest Attention:

My name is Mr. Habib Waheed. I am from Dubai . I have been diagnosed with Esophageal cancer. It has defiled all forms of medical treatment, and right now I have only about a few months to live, according to medical experts. I have not particularly lived my life so well, as I never really cared for anyone (not even myself)but my business. Though I am very rich, I was never generous, I was always hostile to people and only focused on my business as that was the only thing I cared for.But now I regret all this as I now know that there is more to life than just wanting to have or make all the money in the world. I believe when God gives me a second chance to come to this world I would live my life a different way from how I have lived it.Now that God has called me, I have willed and given most of my property and assets to my immediate and extended family members as well as few close friends .I want God to be merciful to me and accept my soul so, I have decided to give alms to charity organizations and those in Need, as I want this to be one of the last good deeds I do on earth.So far, I have Distributed money to some charity organizations when I was well. Now that my health has deteriorated so badly, I cannot do this myself anymore. I once asked members of my family to close one of my accounts and distribute the money which I have there to charity organization in United States, Asia, Middle East & Europe, they refused and kept the money to themselves.Hence, I do not trust them anymore, as they seem not to be contended with what I have left for them. The last of my money which no one knows of is the huge cash deposit of Twenty Four Million United States Dollars ($24, 000, 000.00) that I have with an Asset Management / Vaulting Company Abroad. I will want you to help me collect this deposit and dispatch it to charity organizations and use it to help those in Need.N/B:

Kindly note that 40% of this funds must go to victims of Tsunami, Hurricane Katrina , Hurricane Wilma and South Asia Earthquake , 55% to other Charity Organizations around the World and 5% for your effort and time.I cannot talk with you on the phone due to my health situation, as I am using my Lap Top Computer to communicate with you. You should respond to this e-mail if you are interested in carrying out this assignment on my behalf.

God be with you.Mr.Habib Waheed
The Reply

Wow, good thing you emailed me, Habib. Lost your old addy and was desperately seeking you. The last few million you sent, was, sad to say, wasted on wine, women, and song, and I gave not a red cent of it to charity as you demanded. I'm sorry, VERY sorry, and promise that this time around I'll dole it out as per your instructions.

Also, I, ah, seem to have misplaced one of those luxury yachts I bought with your money, and was wondering if I left it at Dubai Port Berth #7, Slip 16. If you'd be so kind as to check it out I'd be forever grateful; just look for a fairly new 50 footer named Non Rompere Mi Coliones*. That one's mine and you'd be a swell pal for finding it for me.

*Italian for Don't Bust My Balls. Just an old saying we have here.


Patrick Joubert Conlon said...

I've had plenty of Nigerians and Russians but never a Dubaian. I mean I've had emails from them.

Fits said...


Freudian indeed.