If you're eating something, put it down. Now. Before you run to toss your cookies:

Teddy Kennedy is promoting his latest literary work written by someone else:

"The liberal senator did give such a moving speech at the fete for his new book, "America: Back on Track," that actor Eli Wallach reached out and squeezed the hand of his wife, Anne Jackson, throughout. "In the 43 years in which I've had the honor to serve in the United States Senate, I have never seen our democracy in greater disarray, or greater turmoil," Kennedy, 74, told the gathering, which included Sen. John Kerry, Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg, former Commerce Secretary Bob Rubin, E.L. Doctorow, Gail Buckley, David Halberstam, Phyllis Newman, Joe Armstrong and all three of his sisters, Pat, Eunice and Jean.

Kennedy said his book was about the times — in which he was a key figure — "when the nation took on race, when other countries wouldn't ... we knocked down walls on gender ... the elderly ... 42 million disabled ... education ... When we had leaders. Where are we now? With the war in Iraq, and Katrina, and cronyism. It's a politics of fear." Speaking of fear, he added that he'd just had the "longest eight minutes of his life" — by going on Jon Stewart's "Daily Show."
Luckily, the Massachusetts pol finished before there was a stir at the other end of the room, which the guests flowed to like iron filings to a magnet. It was the 42nd President, being asked to sign Ted's book.


The war that he was all for until he wasn't, a hurricane that exposed the Democratic political sewer at ALL levels of Louisiana politics...typical nothingness with no recipe for improvement, just bitching and moaning that things woiuld only be better if we, say, legalized criminals, gave tons of cash to people who refuse to work for it, promote workers because of their color and not their capabilities...you know, the typical Liberal agenda for wreck and ruin. And then enters the worst President these United States has ever seen...

"I think the elections are a gift," Clinton told the Daily News. "The Democrats have great ideas ... I think we're going to have a great year. I'd be very surprised if we don't." At that, Arthur Schlesinger handed his "Bush Countdown Clock" to Clinton. "Only 1,005 days, four hours, and 36 minutes to go," Clinton said."

Mary Jo Kopechne was unavailable for comment.