Sunday, April 16, 2006

No Way To Treat A Lady

April 16, 2006 -- WELCOME to Brooklyn, passengers.

It seems fitting that the Queen Mary 2 - the massive snob-mover that insists on segregating first-class passengers from lowly steerage types - made its inaugural landing in Red Hook, Brooklyn, on the 94th anniversary of the day the Titanic sank to the bottom of the Atlantic.
This time, the Queen made it across the ocean without incident. I think a few folks on board might have preferred the excitement of a close encounter with an iceberg.

The ship was welcomed to our shores before 5 a.m., not with champagne or fireworks - but with a public display of the white backsides of the drunken revelers of the Pioneer Bar, a local hangout.

"We have to moon the boat!" announced ringleader Christopher Piscitelli. And then he and his buddies did just that.

People who flocked to the decks to look at the Statue of Liberty, then enshrouded in thick fog, had to make do with the local scene. The amused passengers clapped and snapped pictures as if viewing natives in their natural habitat.

There was no mooning when Mayor Bloomberg showed up to cut the ribbon on the borough's massive new cruise ship terminal at about 11 a.m. because local residents weren't allowed near the boat.

Things were less giddy after passengers disembarked.

"We're English, we need our tea!" a terribly affronted Andrew Thomas whined as he stood miserably near the brand-new Brooklyn cruise terminal in his Burberry tie and matched set of Louis Vuitton luggage.
"We have nowhere to sit!" he complained.

Get used to it, people. The Queen, in all her finery, came to the gritty Brooklyn shore, made famous in the film "On the Waterfront" - but lately home to Yuppie artists - to break in the new terminal.

Yet the terminal graces a stretch of land with nothing to offer. There's not a single café, shop, deli or subway station within spittoon range.

Passengers, schlepping bags that looked worth more than you earn in a month, were loaded into taxis and buses. Some well-heeled passengers seemed positively appalled.

Marianne Skibinsky sat on a suitcase in an animal-print ensemble you know she paid too much for, hoping for the best.

"I heard there is a very famous zoo near here," her husband, Peter, said hopefully. Unless he counts the waterfront rats, I don't know what the heck he's talking about - and I live in Brooklyn.

Nearby, people waited, like lambs to the slaughter, to board shuttle buses. But they were bound not for the Statue of Liberty or even the graceful Brooklyn Heights Promenade - but for the Fulton Mall in Downtown Brooklyn.

I try to warn a nice couple that this pedestrian mall is home to the $5 Rolex, incense-stick peddlers and a large-lady boutique. It's great for those who dig Spandex, not genuine silk. Not Brooklyn at its finest.
As they disembarked, passengers were handed questionnaires that asked, discreetly: "Within the last two days, have you developed symptoms of diarrhea or vomiting?"

Oh, brother.

Cunard president Carol Marlowe dismissed the threat, saying it was just a precaution.

She had bigger problems. The tickets of several passengers, bought months earlier, said they were to embark from Manhattan. But when they got to the Manhattan terminal, no Queen. They threatened to sue.
So welcome to Brooklyn, QM2. Watch out for those icebergs.
__________________________
Only in NYC. Mayor Bloomberg and the the Cunard people know full well that they could drop off passengers in the middle of the East River and ask them to doggy-paddle to shore because folks are going to visit the Apple regardless.

The reason there's no amenities along this waterfront? The unions, the mob, and the politicians are still fighting over who gets what.

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