Thursday, April 17, 2008
When Every Second Counts...
...And Even The Bushes Are No Escape Because They Are Filled With Police Awaiting That Last Gunshot Signaling The Intruder Has Finally Killed Himself...
It's Time For:
HOSTILE INTRUDER PREPAREDNESS
Inside you will find detailed instructions on how to:
Run screaming in every direction so as to confuse the intruder.
Continue to dial for help on your battery-drained cellphone while fellow student after fellow student is gunned down.
Learn the Lord's Prayer in over 40 different languages.
Using text-messaging features to create a last Will and Testament.
Take video-phone snapshots of the carnage so that law enforcement can better piece together what went down then heap praise upon you posthumously.
The best desks to hide under.
Which gym lockers are more apt to somewhat deflect gunfire.
And perhaps most importantly...learning to tell us how you FEEL about dying in so hideous a manner.