We Get Letters

WAL-MART APPLICATION

This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen
submitted to Walmart in Arkansas.
They hired him because he was so funny.....

Name: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)

SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who
will cooperate).

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously,
whatever's available.

EDUCATION: Yes

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and
post-it-notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 PM, Monday, Tuesday and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more
intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING
UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think a more appropriate question here would be "Do
you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a
winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, or so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job-no!
On my breaks - yes!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas
with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the
greatest thing since sliced bread...Actually, I'd like to be doing that
now.

NEAREST RELATIVE?: 7 miles.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.

*** Old People Rock! ***