Thursday, January 13, 2011

He's Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack

Tap. Tap, tap. Tap-tap-tap.


"Hello and welcome to Cutlery Corner. My name's Todd Boone and we've got a giveaway knife for you. We'll be givin' away free a green bone steel warrior copperhead, unless we decide to give away the red bone instead or maybe if we run out of the red bone we'll switch on over to the green unless we've run out of the green..."

Yep. Doesn't make a lick of sense and that isn't because they're raving idiots...although they are...but it is the job of the Frost Family hosts to spin so tangled a skein as to be held absolutely unaccountable for anything you may have believed they actually said.

'And we're gonna receive, well you're gonna receive what I'm gonna be callin' a new item, the custom Bowie and the reason I'm callin' it new is because we haven't seen the likes of it in, well, seems like forever. Last time we featured this product it sold out so you need to grab these because they'll be gone and you'll have to be waitin' until they're back and new again..."

"Now here's the signature edition, a Jim Frost signature edition Bowie, with Signature Edition etched in the blade and Jim Frost's autee-graph written, or worded, or signed next to the wording. Not etched in the blade but written in by hand in silver ink like it maybe could have been etched in but wasn't..."

Now, picture this; a big ass Bowie knife with SIGNATURE EDITION etched in bold on the blade. Just above and slightly to the left of it, written in silver magic marker, is Jim Frost's signature. With a big old thumbprint smudging the "J" in Jim, and ruining any chance they had in fooling even the most easily-fooled fools into thinking that the knife was really made with old Jim's autograph etched in...and not built in China and dropped off on Big Jim's desk for him to carefully magic-marker the thing for posterity.

Oh and Todd came clean. Reason he was off for a time was: "I quit drinkin. So, ha, so I'm gonna be sick 'till I'm not because I quit drinkin'."

Priceless. Staggering around with the DT's. Because he quit drinkin'. TV sales dropped faster than a Pakistani parachute so old Jim had no choice but to drag Todd out of detox and continue on with the show. Jittery hands or not...SELL THEM THERE KNAAAHVS, BOY! And try to to bleed all over the new plywood and kindling set.

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