In It's Entirety...

An amazing email from a young, lost soul in need of succor. Quaff her kind nepenthe?

HELLO DEAR,

I AM WRITING THIS EMAIL TO YOU WITH DUE RESPECT AND EQUALLY WITH HEART FULLOF TEARS AND SORROWS SINCE WE HAVE NOT KNOWN OR MET OURSELVES BEFORE. PLEASEI MEAN NO HARM TO YOU ONLY THAT I AM IN A DESPERATE SITUATION AND NEEDURGENT ASSISTANCE.AFTER YOU MIGHT HAVE GONE THROUGH THIS MAIL, I WANT IT TO BE YOUR DECISION EITHER TO HELP ME OR TO LEAVE ME TO YOUR FAITH, BUT WHATEVER YOUDECIDE, BEAR IN MIND THAT I AM DEEPLY IN TROUBLE HERE AND NEED YOUR HELP. IAM ASKING FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE BECAUSE I BELIEVE YOU ARE A HIGHLY RESPECTEDPERSONALITY CONSIDERING THE FACT THAT I SOURCED OUT YOUR INFORMATION PROFILEFROM A HUMAN RESOURCE PROFILE DATABASE ON YOUR COUNTRY IN THE INTERNET FROMTHE SOUTH AFRICAN INFORMATION NETWORK ONLINE(SAINO) WHICH SPEAKS GOOD OFYOU.

THOUGH I DO NOT KNOW TO WHAT EXTENT YOU ARE FAMILIAR WITH EVENTS AND FRAGILE POLITICAL SITUATION IN LIBERIA BUT IT HAS FORMED CONSISTENT HEADLINES IN THE CNN,BBC AND EURO-NEWS BILLETINS.

I WILL BE SO GLAD IF YOU CAN ALLOW AND LEAD ME TO THE RIGHT CHANNEL TOWARDS YOUR ASSISTANCE TO MY SITUATION. I WILL MAKE MY PROPOSAL WELL KNOWN TO YOU IF I'M GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY TO DO SO, FOR THE SAKE OF INTRODUCTION,I WOULD LIKE TO USE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO INTRODUCE MYSELF TO YOU.

ANYWAY, I AM MISS TAYE MOHAMMAD, 21 YEARS OF AGE AND THE ONLY DAUGHTER OF MY LATE FATHER DR. ABEL MOHAMMAD, MY FATHER IS LATE,MAY HIS GENTLE SOUL REST IN PERFECT PEACE, HE DIED DURING THE LAST POLITICAL CRISIS IN MY COUNTRY(LIBERIA) IN THE WESTERN PART OF AFRICA. MY LATE FATHER WAS DEPUTY MINISTEROF PUBLIC WORKS IN THE ADMINISTRATION OF OUR FORMER PRESIDENT CHARLES TAYLOR WHO IS NOW IN EXILE AFTER KILLING MANY INNOCENT SOULS. MY FATHER WAS AN INFLUENTIAL MEMBER OF THE CABINET IN THE CHARLES TAYLOR REGIME AND MY FATHER WAS FALSELY ACCUSED OF PLOTTING TO REMOVE PRESIDENT CHARLES TAYLOR OUT FROM OFFICE WHICH HE NEVERDID AND WITHOUT TRIAL CHARLES TAYLOR CONVICTED KILLED HIM WITH SOME OTHERTOP GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS OF HIS CABINET.BUT BEFORE HE WAS KILLED, HE MOVED AND TRANSFERED THE SUM OF(USD$10,500,000.00) TEN MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARSTO ONE FINANCE COMPANY IN HOLLAND (EUROPE).

SO THE MAIN REASON WHY I AM CONTACTING YOU NOW IS TO SEEK FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE IN THE AREA OF PROVIDING YOUR FOREIGN ACCOUNT AS MY FOREIGN PARTNER TO RECEIVE THE FUNDS AND ALSO ASSIST ME FOR MY FUTURE INVESTMENT PLAN,MY LATE FATHER MADE ME THE SOLE BENEFICIARY OF THE FUND SO AS YOU CAN SEE I AM STILL VERY YOUNG AND UNDER A LOT OF PRESSURE NOW TO HANDLE SUCH INTERNATIONAL TRANSACTION.MOST IMPORTANTLY NOW IS THAT I HAVE ESCAPED AND FLED LIBERIA TO SENEGAL WHERE I AM CURRENTLY UNDER ASYLUM SEEKER AND I AM REALLY SUFFERING TOO MUCHHERE, PLEASE HELP ME TO CLAIM THEFUND AND ASSIST ME TO COME OVER TO YOUR COUNTRY FOR CONTINUATION OF MYEDUCATION AND INVESTMENT DISCUSSION REGARDING THE FUND CLAIMED.PLEASE I AM ASKING YOU TO STAND ON MY BEHALF TO MAKE THE CLAIM,TOSTAND AS MY OVERSEA PARTNER AND IN THE TIME OF INVESTMENT AS WELL, BECAUSEEVERY DOCUMENTS BACKING UP THE FUND ARE ALL IN SAFE CUSTODY AND WILL BEFORWARDED TO YOU UPON YOUR ACCEPTANCE TO ASSIST ME FULLY IN CLAIMING THEFUND AS PARTNERS. ALL THAT I NEEDED NOW IS TO GET A RELIABLE,GENUINE ANDCAPABLE PERSON THAT WILL ASSIST ME GET THE MONEY TRANSFERED TO HIS OVERSEAACCOUNT FOR INVESTMENT TO AVOID TOO MUCH QUERIES FROM ALL RESPONSIBLEQUARTERS AND I KNOW NOW THAT YOU ARE THE RIGHT PERSON WHOM I HAVE BEENPRAYING FOR GOD ALMIGHTY TO PROVIDE FOR ME.AS I MADE MENTION EARLIER, I WILL EXPLAIN MORE OF THE PROCEDURE TO THISISSUE AS REGARDS TO YOUR PERCENTAGE TO BE WELL KNOWN TO YOU IF ONLY YOU GIVEME THE OPPORTUNITY TO DO SO BY REPLYING POSITIVELY TO THIS REQUEST, PLEASEATTACH YOUR DIRECT CONTACT INFORMATION'S LIKE YOUR FULL NAME,PHONE,OFFICE AND RESIDENTIAL ADDRESS ANDPRIVATE EMAIL AS YOU REPLY THIS MAIL TO ENABLE ME SEND THEDOCUMENTS/PRIVATE INFORMATION'S THAT WILL ENABLE YOU RECEIVE THE FUNDSWITHOUT ANY PROBLEM EITHER NOW OR IN THE FUTURE AS EVERY ARRANGEMENTS AREALREADY PUT IN PLACE TO SEE THE SUCCESSFUL TRANSFER OF THE FUNDS TO YOURNOMINATED OVERSEA ACCOUNT.PLEASE REPLY ME THROUGH THIS MY PRIVATE E-MAIL:tayepretty@netscape.netTHANKS AND REMAIN
BLESSED.TAYE MOHAMMAD.e-mail:tayepretty@netscape.net
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Hmmmmm.....

She's young, rich and stupid. Wants me to provide a foreign account so that she may access it in order to deposit millions upon millions of dollars.

Hmmmmmm....

At least she isn't black (I looked up the surname on a Liberian site) and my poking fun of such bilgewater wouldn't be considered racially insulting to the point of being sent to jail in Europe if I ever wanted to assemble the hilarious emails I get from all over the world and write a book.

So then. String her along and have some fun, or ignore it completely. Wait. Dennis the Peasant believes all Moslems to be of another race and he'd be so pissed if such a thing were to happen. He'd testify against me before the Hague. I know he would.

And I do so enjoy London.

Damn his eyes.