I was taken aback when Mr. Fancy Schmancy shouted "A pox on both your houses!" as I was unaware that he knew of my summer home. Founding member of the Hogtown Irregulars, and former indentured short order cook still on the run. Professional Zamboni racer and bronze medal recipient in the 2010 All-Miami Outdoor Zamboni Championships.
Some cops are packing a new kind of cutting-edge heat.
About 20 cops have begun carrying more lightweight, compact Tasers. The include supervisors from five precincts -- in Harlem in Manhattan, East Flatbush and East New York in Brooklyn, Far Rockaway in Queens and Highbridge in The Bronx, as well as two Emergency Services Units. The new model is called the X-26 Taser.
The weapons are part of a pilot program to replace the old, more cumbersome M-26 model Tasers that are on the verge of being discontinued by the manufacturer, police said.
The weapons are still outfitted with a laser sight for accuracy, which projects a red beam of light, and a high-intensity white laser sight for low light situations. According to the manufacturer, the sting of the new Tasers is more powerful that their predecessors, although NYPD brass said the weapons use the same cartridge as the older models and that they are still being tested to determine if they pack a stronger punch.
Were the valiant members of the NYPD to learn that TASER stands for Thomas A. Swift's Electric Rifle, they'd do one of two things; return to beating suspects senseless with BILLY clubs, or demand a new name for the TASER so as not to appear even more silly than they already are.
Silly is of course defined as: long petitioning the TASER manufacturer to develop a smaller weapon, since the current version is simply too bulky and cannot easily be reached by 5% of the fatasses who have way too much hip and way too little length of arm.
Perhaps they'll even re-name the smaller ones TASDA, for Thomas A Swift's Diet Alternative.