The Wheel of Time...

For devotees of Robert Jordan's "Wheel of Time" series, I include the following review of Book 12.

Book 12? Hasn't Book 11 just been published and can we not expect another 2 years until 12?

Well, the series began in 1990. I believe it was '91 when I picked up the paperback edition of #1, and was immediately enthralled. Enough so that my yearnings for continued episodes became somewhat feverish and I fell completely under Mr. Rigney's spell.

James Rigney is his real name. And he did promise to include me, as well as others who shared experiences with him in S.E. Asia, as characters in whatever books he would write, and it was only until reading #10 that I came to the conclusion that I was Loial.

Dreadful realization.

Anyway, here is what I wrote for Amazon's book reviews on the matter:

Book 12: The Morning Of Sleepless Nights

Fade in to Rand, at long last taking on...insert spooky music here...The Dark One....


All is going well, too well. Toad Fingers The Leaf, into Muskrat Soils The Oranges, swirl then into Gopher Fetches Email straight to Poppyseeds Stuck In My Teeth...then...

Horror of horrors. The Dark One is wounded, wounded enough to drop the veil of shadows and expose an identity far beyond those of mortal men. The Dark One is, is, a WOMAN.

Balloon Animals Caught In The Breeze falters as Rand realizes that he faces the one creature on earth he cannot fight. He hurriedly summons a wall of protection to thwart the Dark One's frenzied thrust of POWER, and the Dark One senses Rand's hesitation and this gives her the strength to redouble her efforts to destroy him...

Matt, Perrin, Loial, and Lan turn away in disgust, years of fighting and sacrificing have all led to this and Rand's wussy-moment enrages them to the point whereby they turn on their own comrades and begin slaughtering them for the Dark One. How can they fight for so stupid a man, so weak a hero, so inept a leader?

The Dark One turns out to be Barbara Boxer, and is howling in triumph when the Aes Sedai led by every woman ever mentioned in the entire series rally to destroy her.

The Forsaken shrink into action figures and are lost but coveted by every child on earth.

Rand is healed by Cadsuane and Ninnyeve and is sentenced to a life of spankings for his ineptitude.

The End.