That's Right, We're The NY Times, And Roberts Is A No-Go For OUR Mojo
John Roberts, whew is this guy ever so qualified. But qualifications alone are not the paramount indicator of jurisprudence because he fer chrissake took the 5th every time something juicy came along, and you know us lefty loons...when in doubt assume the worst and besmirch a man's reputation for what we THINK he might do.
Yep, got out the old crystal ball and just like that terrif NBC show "Medium," we saw terrible happen to the Republic with him as Chief Justice. We saw the creation of new laws and the revocation of old bad ones placed back into the hands of the people, and as our favorite jurist Ruthie G once said to us, right after she understandably dissed the Boy Scouts, convinced us that 12 years old is just dandy as the age of consent (hey, the animals are gonna rut no matter what you do and that way at least frees up some much needed prison space), had us believing that this separate public restroom deal is nothing more than the good old boy network that owns stock in alla them urinal manufacturing companies wanting the status kept quo, and what IS Mother's Day and Father's Day anyway if not a blatant attempt to have a special day for men when everybody knows those slimy apes time on earth is doomed now that science can clone so soon we'll be able to make all the baby girls we want and screw them, or better yet DON'T screw them.
Where were we? Oh yeah, Ruthie reminded us that if too many judges like Roberts came along they'd be no more abortion and that means millions of extra kids running around and not for nothing, but don't we pay enough already to people with lotsa kids they can't afford, all qualified citizens could own firearms to protect themselves from OUR constituency and what's up with that, and terrible things like everybody's sweet little endangered froggies would be left unprotected were the commerce clause used to protect, gasp, commerce, and not every endangered newt, bat, fruitfly, sasquatch, Lithuanian Lemon Tree, or hermaphrodite owl we love so dearly. And stop already with there's no such a' thing as a sasquatch because THAT thinking HARDLY protects them if they DO exist.
Therefore, in our capacity as the paper of reputation wreckers, we sadly, heh, just say no to Judge Roberts, and believe that the Senate should also revoke his DC Circuit Court of Appeals Judgeship as well, because if he ain't good enough for the Supremes then he ain't good enough for us anywheres.
We the NEW NY Times and we bad.
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