Tuesday, October 14, 2008

More From The Runaway Bestseller: "Dreams From My Father"

"...but since I never actually said "no", it can't be considered rape. And to illustrate how naive I truly was, for the longest time I didn't quite "get" what step-dad meant when he'd shout "Time to stoke the white owl, Barry!", even though I sort of understood that he was not referring to adjourning to the parlor where we men could savor fine cigars. I refer back to such memories because conventional wisdom dictates that what happens to the boy molds him into the man he is to become, and I certainly am proof positive that this is not correct. Were certain instances of tough love to have distinctly warped my perspective on, for instance, firearms, then I'd never have used, and forever kept possession of the little derringer step-dad gifted me on my 11th birthday. Yes, I'll admit to have been a trifle frightened when he whipped it out and said it was to be mine, but I took it from him anyway and carefully hid it in the box beneath my favorite toe shoes, safely away from prying eyes. It was only by the merest vagary of random chance that I happened to be fondling it under my blanket when the lights went out on that fateful night. But I was stretched out on my tummy when the sudden intrusion came, in no way shape or form positioned properly for a quick discharge. After 15 or 20 minutes I did manage to say "no", but in all fairness this was before all of those lengthy diction lessons and my utterance certainly could have been interpreted as "moe", as in, "give me moe." The fact that it increased to a fever pitch lends credence to such a consideration, and, I hasten to add, such vigor was becoming not a little bit painful. I was twisting and turning and squirming for all I was worth by the time I was able to point the little thing back in the direction of the unrelenting pounding, and summoning all of my strength did indeed squeeze off a sharp crack. You cannot even begin to imagine my confusion when a high pitched and distinctly feminine voice let loose a scream of protest. Luckily I missed, but granny never did fully recover and what she did with her favorite broom is a mystery to me right to this very day..."

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