Friday, April 01, 2011

Obama Calls News Conference...Steps Down....Names Successor....

In a move that took all of Washington by surprise, President Barack Obama held an impromptu news conference on the White House Lawn, apologizing for two years of complete inadequacy:

"I'd like to take this time to extend my most sincerest of apologies to the American people," the President said while reading from what appeared to be a somewhat glitchy teleprompter, "but hey listen, so many of the Presidents in my lifetime made it look easy so we figured, what the heck, let's move on in and toss one helluva party and play golf while the cleaning staff are tidying up for the next party. I mean, even Michelle had no idea that her ass was going to be a topic of conversation when compared to the rest of the world's First Women, or that her overbite was in truth so scary as to make grown men weep, but that isn't important now."

What is important is for us to hand the White House on over to someone who gives a royal shit and can actually do the job, so after conducted, er contracted, um conducting secret canvasses throughout all 57 states we've decided to pass the rains, er reins to one of the most trusted men in America, and that man is Rush Limbaugh. Congress folks started tellin' me that there was some kind of succession deal that had to be followed but since I've never once paid any attention to the people or the Congress or the Constitution, the job belongs to Rush.

I for one don't think that that cracker can do one inch better, but let Mr. Bigmouth Fatass see what its like from the inside looking in. Um, make that the outside looking, oh forget it. Friggin prompter never did work.

Thank you for all the gifts because I made out like a bandit, and I'm off to smoke my black ass a Kool or two. Oh yeah, may Allah bless America." 

Ha. Let them put that in their XXXXing peace pipes and toke it. And get your honky ass hands away from me secret service bitch. Ya'll need go find that lard ass mother XXXXer I done gave the job to and leave my black motherXXXXing ass be, hear?


David said...

Oh, dear. Trucker jokes (semi-humorous) on April 1. Please don't taunt us that way, man!


Fits said...

Sorry David. I's bad.

Anonymous said...

I accidently happened onto your page and have come to believe that you must be an absolute moron. It is people like you that have helped to ruin this great country of ours. I'm sure you would take little w back as the President in a heart beat, right? Just because he is a Republican, right? I'm sure you would take the ditzy moron Sarah Palin if it was possible, correct? I simply do not understand how the Republican party has brainwashed so many people in this country. Absolute morons, that can not and will not think for themselves. They must be led around or pushed or pulled to whatever it is the elitist, extremist, power hungry Republican politicians happen to want for themselves and their ultra wealthy cronies. Don't you understand what the little w regime did to this great country? Of course he and all his cohorts made out like bandits, which is exactly what they are. Do you really think you would be better off under a McCain/Palin regime right now? It amazes me that the Republican party has some how gotten all of the people in this country, with little or no intelligence, to follow them. If little w was standing behind you hitting you in the head with a baseball bat and telling you that it felt good you ignorant people would believe him. Completely brainwashed, some how, some way, unbelieveable, but true. You fell for the "Obama is a Moslem" lie hook, line and sinker, didn't you? Of course you aren't smart enough to check it out for yourself, you just believed. You didn't realize that some other idiot made it up because it looked like Obama was leading in the run for the Presidency. They knew you would believe it because you morons aren't smart enough to think for yourselves. The leaders of the Republican party care about themselves, not you or me, or anyone else unless of course they are multi-millionairs that can help them in their pursuit of power and the almighty dollar. I bet you just love to listen to the raving lunatic, drug addict, absolute moron Rush Limbaugh daily, correct? Do you think he actually cares about you, or me, or anyone other than himself? I would be willing to bet that you are a straight party line voter, correct? You aren't actually smart enough to look at each and every candidate on the ballot, or smart enough to learn anything about the actual issues you are voting for or against. to be continued:

Anonymous said...

continued: You simply vote for whatever and whomever Rush and the other talking head Republicans tell you to vote for, correct? You don't know why, you just do it because they told you too. Of course the Republicans tell you that only their party has family values and if you don't agree with them and vote their way that you don't have family values, right. They have convinced you that only their party has Christian values and if you are a Christian you have to vote their way, correct? I am sure you think of yourself as a conservative, right? Do you actually believe the Republican party is still consevative? Sorry, but it is absolutely extremist in every sense of the word, but you mental midgets are going to stick with them no matter what, right? Even if it drives you to the brink of ruin, right? Which it will if they are allowed to again take control of the Presidency in the next election. I bet after reading this you are thinking that I am some kind of extreme Democrat, a liberal in every sense, correct? No, I am a conservative, always have been, but I and many other intelligent people in this country recognize the Republican party for what it has become, an extremist, elitist bunch of power hungry, money hungry politicians that couldn't possibly care less what happens to our country as long as they get their way. I don't really care much for Obama, but it isn't because of anything the talking heads told me. No, I'm not a racist either, like so many of your fellow Republicans that can't wait to get rid of him. I do have to admit that he was definetely a better choice for the Presidency than McCain, who would have kept our country running down the same road to ruin that little w had us on. Hopefully the good Lord gave you at least a semi-working brain, and hopefully you, and others like you, will someday learn to use it. Do your homework, look at each and every candidate, at each and every issue, read between the lines and think for yourselves before you vote. Don't just vote Repulican because some power hungry politician told you it was the thing to do, or because someone at your church told you it was the thing to do, or because someone spread a bunch of untrue rumors about one candidate or another. Do not vote Republican because you think it the "conservative" party, because it is anything but. I've wasted enough of mine and your time with my rant, but I just had to leave a comment. It makes me absolutely sick to know that there are so many millions of people in this great country of ours that are absolute morons, following such an extremist party simply because they aren't smart enough to think for themselves. Don't believe everything you hear, especially if it is coming from an extremist calling himself a conservative Christian.