MERRY Christmas From Frost Cutlery

"... We've got your Copper-Heads, Sod-Busters, Spider Sense, ah, um, ah, ah, ah, well FORGET I said that. Forget I said that. Didn't mean to say that...."

(Frost Cutlery has been warned not to use other peoples registered trademarks to describe Frost Cutlery products. That means Todd Boone would then have to actually give the things a Frost-designated description, but since Jim Frost himself doesn't have the imagination to name his own knives, Todd Boone certainly cannot and so he constantly stutters and stumbles. Then gives up and goes back to calling them whatever he wants to call them.)

"..Now its time for Smith & Wesson. Smith & Wesson Homeland Heroes. Or Smith & Wesson somethin'. Wording on the blade is too small for me to see, but it's Smith & Wesson somethin'. Homeland Security? That's it. Smith & Wesson Homeland Heroes. I mean Security. Or somethin'. Buy it to find out for yourself."

"Now this here is another Copper-Head, ah, ah, um, ah, no, I didn't mean to say that. It looks like the kind of knife that has a head of Copper. Looks like its Copper but don't hold me to it. Next to it there's a Sod-Bust...no, the Dirt Breaker, or whatever you wanna call them. Breaker, Buster, Dirt-Buster.  You know what I'm meaning to say but can't say it anymores."

"...Time for the H&R Smooth Stag Bowie. With the Redwood on the handle. Not really Redwood but is red and made of wood. Might be wood, looks like wood. That is red. Not Redwood but Red Wood. If its wood."

"What is this? What is this? This I knew nothing about this. The Hunter's Edge? 22 pieces for $153.75. I'm caught off guard. Not supposed to talk to the producers anymore. But I know, knew nothing about this. Seems to me like there's more than 22 pieces. That means less cost per piece if there's more than 22 pieces because at $153.75 that's less than $7 per knife and if there's more that means less than that even. Whatever. You oughta be buyin' these as much as you can. Irregardless of how many and how much they cost per piece. If there's more than 22 pieces I'm sayin'.

"...One of the most imfluential (intentional sic) people in the history of the country was Abe Lincoln. And his pinnies (pennies). This here is one of the most fun of the commemoratives that Jim Frost has ever put together. The Abe Lincoln pinnies and the knife that goes along with them. $175 gets you the pinnies, all 6 of them, and the knife that itself has a pinny in the mother of pearl handle. Very quite few were more imfluential than Abe Lincoln. So just think about how much more so imfluential these will be years from now.  Comes with a certificate of authenticity and that tells you the pinnies are genuine." 

So what? No Tom O'Dell-isms? Have no fear.

"...These here are the Japanese Daisho swords, each and every one of them absolutely identical except for the ones that have a difference... and let's not forget the Pocket Paradise knives, hey, is that anything like Pocket-Pool?"

Sheila Travis. Stunned to hear senile O'Dell say something so uncool on the air...even after his admission that he was drunk on his ass...

"..And these pocket knaahvs are no two the same except for the ones that are similar..."

And All 3 Together...

"MARY CHRISTMAS!"