Messenger Exclusive: WikiLeaks Summary:

President Obama is an indecisive moron.

Hillary Rodham is a vindictive bitch.

Stay tuned for more breaking news on the WikiLeaks story, in which we'll feature staggering headlines such as:

Warren Buffet Really Loves Money

Bill Clinton Really Loves Poontang

Pacific Ocean Water Determined To Be Quite Wet

Climatologists Reveal Heretofore Unknown Research Indicating Forest Fires Can Be Very Hot...And...

Icebergs Are Without A Doubt Cold Places To Sit Upon Buck Naked