Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Raw Potato Used As Silencer?

CHICAGO (STNG) ― Someone may have used a raw potato, possibly as a silencer on a gun, in the shooting of a 29-year-old man inside a sport-utility vehicle on the South Side Sunday evening. The man, who suffered a gunshot wound to the back of the head, is expected to survive.

The shooting occurred about 5:40 p.m. in the 100 block of East 68th Street, according to a report from the police First Deputy Superintendent's office.

The man told police he was walking down the street and was outside the "newer" SUV when he was shot in the back of the head. However, evidence indicates he was shot inside the SUV, according to Grand Crossing police Lt. Timothy Bickham.

"The facts don't match up," the lieutenant said. "There was a piece of raw potato splashed on the windshield."

The potato may have been used as a silencer. If true, the shooter would have been inside the SUV, the lieutenant said.

Meanwhile, upon learning of the details surrounding this story, the office of NYC Mayor Bloomberg sent out an urgent email to neighboring states, warning them of this latest twist in the war against guns.

"The Mayor asks you join with him in banning potatoes from the inner city's," Assistant Police Commissioner Kent Ketchum wrote in a scathing diatribe concerning the perils of illegal vegetables, adding that it is yet unknown if the potato in question was raw, baked, or boiled, but that regardless of its culinary status NYC is not going to let this latest challenge go unanswered.

"Only duds use spuds," Commissioner Ketchum concluded, and vowed to trackdown what he insisted were straw-potato purchases coming in from southern states that have no laws governing the sale of unlicensed tubers.

Thanks to Ahab.

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