Thursday, June 29, 2006

How NOT To Write A Sports Story...

"Tackles flew. Heads were butted. But the game, a 1-0 win for Portugal, will be remembered for the performance of Valentin Ivanov, a referee from Russia who handed out an astonishing 16 cautions en route to ejecting four players."

Jamie Trecker / Fox Soccer Channel

No, no, and no again, oh clueless one. You don't begin by saying how tough the play was then immediately follow with the fact that the ref tried to control the violence so it was HIS well as the officiating in general... that the games have seen so many ejections.

Soccer is without a shadow of a doubt the worst excuse for a true sport there could possibly be. The players are small, not very athletic, but CAN play the game because the game doesn't require speed, or brute strength, or the topper of 'em all...HAND-EYE COORDINATION.

Disagree? Okay, then how fast do these pansies in little shorts run? If they have such leg strength, than how much can they leg press? How fast DO their kickies go?

No one knows and no one involved with soccer WANTS to know because it is the anti-athlete sport dedicated to EVERYMAN.

And stop already with this WORLD CUP nonsense, m'kay. Go to England, France, Italy, Holland, Portugal, you name it, and ask to play for a team. First and foremost they must check to see if they've not exceeded their quotas for NON-ENGLISH/FRENCH/ITALIAN/HOLLAND, or Portugal born players, and then they might give you a look-see.

Play some damn fine real football do you? Fine. Come to America and you can play on a team that's going to the Super-Bowl, no questions asked. All it takes is skill.

Think you're all that hot at baseball? Cool. Once again it doesn't matter where in the world you were born, and that's what makes the World Series special. ANYONE in the WORLD can play if they have the talent.

No quotas No ethnic purity. Just bring your ability and the will to win.

Lil Jaimee believes that the incredible skill level of these midgets in shorts is what's making it hard for the refs to keep up. Yeah. The real reason is the fact that the game is so dull and without anything resembling true athletes that even the officials are dozing off.

Typical bullshit to bitch about the umps when your team has had a sucky day. They should have taught you THAT too in whatever low-end journalism school you attended.

Nothing wrong with sports for poor people. Just don't make it sound like it's the real deal.

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