Thursday, November 25, 2010

Cutlery Corner Thanksgiving Special


"Howdy folks Jim Frost here and do I have a naaahf (knife) for you. This here is a sramick (ceramic) naaahf (knife) and ya'll git one free with every order. Now, we caint (can't) warrant (warranty) this naaahf (knife) for breakage because its sramick (ceramic) so if you drop it on  other sramick (ceramic) or a hard surface it's gonna break. But it never needs sharpening, and after usin' you just warsh (wash) it and its good to go."


Miss Mary standing stupidly with the ceramic knife in question. She then proceeds to slice repeatedly, and with much difficulty, through a cucumber. Jim smiles, tries to locate the camera, but continues his pitch looking into the wrong one. The cameraman switches to the camera Jim is staring at, so of course Jim then turns to the other one. Cameraman gives up and finishes the scene with Frost half in profile and mostly cockeyed squinting into the distance. Now ignored, Miss Mary fondles the ceramic knife while looking at Big Jim as if she'd like to fry his liver for lunch.

Camera Shakily Stutters To Catch Miss Ellen Entering Stage Left:  

Miss Ellen, precariously balancing an armload of Christmas stockings far too small for the boxes inside, sidles up to Mr. Frost and looks down at her shoes while Mr. Frost explains the Mystery Knives you can order by asking for Miss Ellen's Pre-Black Friday Stocking Special. Off camera whispering is heard, and Mr, Frost, Miss Mary, and Miss Ellen move as close to one another as possible, with each squinting off in a different direction.

Pull Back...Fade To Black. Cut. Another Successful Show Opening In The Can.

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