Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Danny DeVito On Global Warming*

So's I'm tryin to figure out whats up with this global warming, right, and there's this guy on the tube sayin that the frickin alligators in Florida are havin a tough time of it because the late winter, early spring weather has been for shit so's I call the station and he says, no asswipe, it wasn't too hot you stupid frig it was too cold.

So what do I know? Who to frigging trust, eh? Then the wife tells me that alla these dim bulbs treat us actors like shit, and that if I really wanted the scoop I should go aks another actor who had an ear to the ground. Then I says to myself, she might be right but what kinda frickin actor lives in Florida? Then holy shit but it dawns on me. What am I a fuckin loser for not rememberin that Wally Gator should know this shit or what? He was a damned star fer chrissake back then and had his own show so he's sure not gonna give me the ass right?

Turns out nobody knows from nobody who represents him and I'm sayin to myself, what kind of actor around that you can't find his agent, okay? And I'm doin this all by myself to show the little woman that I finally learned this computer shit and can look up by myself without botherin her lazy ass every other second, but this shit sucks. I find more friggin cartoons of Wally but no fuckin clue as to where he is now, and why should I frickin care where he was thirty fuckin years ago, right? Old news is old frickin news, ya know, but I sink my teeth inta this like one a them rot wile dogs with the big frickin teeth okay, man don't they scare your ass too if ya know what I mean, but still it's zilch. Nada. Zeee-ro. But hey, every frickin guy worth his coolies knows when he needs help with shit, I mean fuck, it's not like I'm Bill fucking big shit computer man Gates, right?

So's I call my cousin Tony G. in Passaic and he hits me with this fucking bomb of all fuckin bombs, right?

There WAS no Wally fuckin Gator. Son of a bitch was just a frickin cartoon all along. Now I'm startin ta think that the wife she set me up to look like some kind of half a fag here, just cuz I of all people should not frickin know that this shit was a setup. And I mean the whole global warming, Al fucking fat ass Gore. If ANYBODY looks like some fuckin drawring it's this shithead, right, or am I wrong?

'Course not. So the laugh is on me. Guilty as fucking charged, okay? It's nothin but a mere fascination; the warming, the alligators freezin their balls off, the fat guy lookin for a handout by makin believe he sees the fuckin sky fallin. So sue me, okay? Like you would'a known the difference between a frickin cartoon and Al Gore, eh? Don't make me laugh. We all make mistakes but the smart guys own up to it and moves the fuck on.

Right? And who you fuckin lookin at anyways? Better not be me cuz I'll bust you a fuckin hole this frickin big...

*Miss Priss spoof.

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